I’m worried my mother won’t cope

Q

My mother has dementia. She’s not too bad, so sometimes she understands things – but sometimes she doesn’t. My elderly aunt died a few days ago and I don’t know whether to tell my mother, as it will distress her, or if I should say nothing.

I’m not sure she can cope with the funeral and I think her presence might be very disruptive for my surviving aunt and cousins, and others who attend. Chris, Ware

A

I understand this is hard, but I’m not sure you can keep this news from your mother, unless you really think it’s truly detrimental to her health. You need to talk to your family, especially your aunt and cousins, and ask them how they feel about your mother coming to the funeral. They may be fine about it as long as you take her out if she becomes distressed. Finally, just check that your concerns are really about your mother and not about yourself and how you’ll manage things if they get tricky. If it’s the latter, find some support so you feel more confident to cope.