He’s lying about me

Q

I’ve just come out of a very acrimonious divorce. My ex has been appalling. I’ve tried not to involve our children, who are all teenagers, and I never say anything unpleasant about him. He’s their father, even if I wish he wasn’t. But he says horrible things about me to them. The children tell me what he says, sometimes just to inform me and sometimes to check if what he says is true. How do I get him to stop? Name and address withheld

A

Sadly, I’m not sure that you can. I’m assuming that if you’d been able to make changes in your relationship with him, you wouldn’t have ended up divorcing. All you can do is continue as you are and try not to involve the children in your feelings about their father. You can also explain to them that he’s hurting and this is his way of managing it, which you know isn’t nice for them.

Suggest to your children that they check anything out with you if it’s of concern, and share as much as they want if it makes them feel better. You can also acknowledge that you’re aware he’s angry, so they don’t need to feel they have to tell you everything to show their loyalty to you. You know they’re kind and caring and love both their parents.