I can’t keep supporting her

Q

My 92-year-old neighbour was widowed a few months ago. I was very supportive and I told her to call on me whenever she needed anything. She has begun to call every day and sometimes four times. I like her well enough but I can’t be there for her all the time. I have my own mother to look after. It was all right when she was just bereaved as it was a crisis but not now when, sadly, it’s business as usual. Sarah, Tewkesbury

A

You’re right – you can’t be available all the time. It was kind of you to be there when she was first bereaved. I know it isn’t easy to have a conversation with someone where you worry they’ll feel you’re withdrawing something. So, how else could you

approach it? I wonder about sharing with her how well she’s doing now the initial period is over. Discuss with her who might be around for her – does she have any family? And where might she go. If she says she knows no one (which is unlikely), suggest you talk to social services or a charity that offers a befriending service. She may need help doing this but, once it’s set up, she’ll have others to chat to.

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