When living your best life makes you miss your crusty old one...

Feel under pressure (whether from society, others or yourself) to go after your life goals with the kind of zeal with which J.LO rejects the ageing process? Well, new research suggests that even the most positive of life changes can induce an emotional fallout you never saw coming. So, whether you’re upping sticks to live your best life or you’ve just landed your dream job, WH reports on why preparation is everything

If only changing my life was as easy as updating my profile pic

The one thing Amy Mcclean was dreading was the packing. Not the move from London to Berlin itself – that was her decision. It was a change a long time in the making; a chance to, as she’d told her friends, begin afresh – and she would finally get over her ex. Only the logistics of bubble-wrapping her belongings were standing between her and happiness. Right? ‘It didn’t quite turn out like that,’ the 32-year-old project manager recalls. ‘Once I actually got to Berlin and into my new flat, I realised I wasn’t ready to handle the emotional repercussions of moving to a new country and starting again. The move was my idea, and I knew it was the right decision, but I cried a lot in those first weeks.’ Change. Studies suggest we file it into one of two categories. There’s the heartbrokenand-back-home-with-mum-and-dad kind. Then there’s the pack-in-your-job-andmove-to-mexico-with-nothing-but-anappetite-for-guacamole sort. Attitudes to the two are strikingly different. While the former is considered something to be avoided at all costs, the latter is actively encouraged. There’s your one-time desk buddy, not moaning about the piss-poor coffee any more, but doing what can only be described as a selfie tour of South America. Meanwhile, your formerly single best mate is trying on veils, champagne in hand, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Read between the ‘likes’ and the message is clear: change, much like following your dreams and being your best self, is supposed to be good for you. But it’s a sentiment that, according to experts, is leading us to overlook the emotional fallout that comes with change. In the words of someone’s grandad, fail to prepare and you prepare to fail. So before you hand in your notice to feel the sand between your toes, hear this: a study by the University of Groningen in the Netherlands found that positive life changes – the kind you instigate, probably boast about and most definitely share a post or two on – can trigger symptoms commonly associated with depression. ‘We somewhat expect negative life transitions to be linked to heightened stress levels,’ says Dr Elise Bennik, the clinical psychologist behind the research and a specialist in change. ‘What we’ve discovered is that even positive changes can produce depressive symptoms – especially if you go through multiple changes in a short period of time,’ she says.

SLEEPLESS IN THE CITY

Over in Berlin, Amy found herself waking up at all times of the night in the months following her move. ‘I wasn’t exactly homesick, and I never questioned my decision to up sticks, but I didn’t have any friends in Germany and at weekends I would lie in bed feeling completely unmotivated,’ she recalls. ‘I could still see the positive implications of my move: the rent was cheap; the city was full of cool bars and shops; there was a vegan supermarket five minutes from my flat. But I couldn’t find the energy to get out there and make the most of it.’ According to Dr Bennik, her symptoms aren’t unusual. ‘Our study shows that people who experience a series of positive life changes within the space of six months – like moving house and leaving your job – or a combination of positive and negative changes – ending a relationship then using that as the impetus to relocate, for example – are more likely to experience sleeplessness, hypersomnia (excessive tiredness during the day) and lethargy,’ she explains. It feels counter-intuitive. The whole point of self-imposed change is to improve your life, go on to bigger and better things, #liveauthentic. So, what gives? ‘Human brains are wired to a negative bias, which means that any change to “normal” can be

perceived as difficult or even threatening,’ says psychotherapist Claire Goodwin-fee (thetherapycouch.org). ‘Your brain fires up to become hyper-vigilant, which in turn has an impact on how you respond to change. Because of the perceived threat, your body releases cortisol. It means you’re essentially responding to the change in the same way you would to negative stress, because your body can’t discriminate between the two.’ Oh, and feel free to blame #adulting. While you might have bossed change as a child – moving schools, making friends, soldiering on when Robbie left Take That – as an adult, it’s trickier. So says Richard Gerver, an author and speaker who specialises in human adaptability. ‘In my 20 years as a primary school teacher, I learned that small children adapt to new situations incredibly quickly, without demonstrating stress or exhaustion,’ he says. But as an adult, you lose some of that resilience, even when changing things on your own terms. His theory is supported by a 2011 study carried out by Concordia University in Montreal, which found that the older you are, the harder it becomes to overcome habitual responses and adapt to new routines. ‘As you age, you start to associate routine and consistency with safety and security – survival, in other words – and, by proxy, new situations begin to feel tiring and terrifying.’ They’re feelings all too familiar to 24-year-old Becky Wells from West Sussex. She was happy enough working in motoring publishing, but it wasn’t her dream job. That was in the music industry – and when a vacancy came up in a company that produced music festivals, she went for the interview, landed it and swallowed a £4,000 pay cut. So perfect was the job that she was completely unprepared for the emotional toll it took. ‘I built it up in my mind so much that it became a kind of fantasy,’ she explains. ‘I imagined I’d spend my summers backstage, listening to some of the biggest bands, but what I didn’t consider was how significant a change I was making to my dayto-day life – like commuting over an hour a day to central London or that I’d rarely leave the office on time to make the journey home. I was so overwhelmed by the change in routine that I felt miserable, and it affected my personal life and relationships away from work.’ Becky stuck it out for six weeks before leaving – without another job lined up. But while she concedes that the role failed to meet her high expectations, she believes it was the change in routine that threw her off-kilter. ‘It made me realise just how significantly change can affect your overall wellbeing,’ she adds. ‘It was one I certainly hadn’t prepared for.’

CREATURES OF HABIT

Before you resign yourself to a life lived firmly within your comfort zone, Dr Bennik believes that not everyone is equally susceptible to the effects of shaking things up, and that those with an existing anxiety disorder will be at a significantly higher risk of struggling in the aftermath of change. ‘No one should be dissuaded from instigating change, so long as you futureproof yourself against unexpected aftershocks,’ she says. ‘Change is habitual, and it doesn’t need to be seismic,’ adds Gerver. ‘Tiny experiences, such as ordering something you’ve never eaten before in a restaurant, or going to see a horror film when you only ever watch comedies, can stimulate your imagination and recalibrate the way you adapt to new situations. You might hate your meal, or cover your eyes for three quarters of the film, but you’ll be proud of yourself for giving something new a go

‘Your body can’t discriminate between change and stress’

either way.’ By doing this, Gerver explains, you’re training your mind to have a different response to change – one that provokes feelings of curiosity, even excitement. Dr Bennik agrees. ‘During our research, we discovered that if you’re experiencing depressive symptoms as a result of change, one of the best things you can do is continue trying new things. You might not feel good about the activities themselves, but the favourable impact they’ll have on your stress levels and mental health is considerable.’ It’s an approach that worked for Amy. ‘I was used to running every day, but instead of heading out to the park on my own, I made myself join a running club. Even on days when I felt so tired and lonely that the idea of making an effort with new people felt like too much, I forced myself to put my trainers on and head out to the meet-up,’ she says. ‘Sometimes, I just ran along silently with my headphones in, but gradually it stopped feeling stressful and just became my new routine. Once I’d made some friends there, I started talking to other people wherever I went. Now, Germany feels like home.’ Meanwhile, Becky is still proud of herself for giving her dream job a go – even if it didn’t go quite the way she’d planned. ‘I learned so much about myself,’ she says, adding that she’s now working in publishing again, and couldn’t be happier about it. ‘Working in music had been on my bucket list since I was a teenager, and if I hadn’t made the change, I’d still be wondering “what if?”’ These days, I feel much more confident taking risks and going after the things I want, because I know that I can survive, whatever happens.’