HAVE A ZEN CHRISTMAS

’Tis the season to be jolly. Remember that, and chill out

The big man might’ve had reindeer issues, but he didn’t have 12 group chats, 11 ‘sorry we missed you’ slips, 10 festive catch-ups and a sodding wreath to make. Permission to burn your diary?

Yes, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Said no one in a chafing sequin dress. And they’re not the only lyrics that lie. Driving Home For Christmas? Try spunking 70 quid on a train fare, only to spend four rickety hours standing by a blocked toilet. Mistletoe And Wine sounds fun, until you’re swapping salmon-and-bellini-infused saliva with your line manager. And come 19 December you’d probably sell your liver for a Silent Night if you thought it had any retail value. ‘I don’t know of any other time when people force cheerfulness and do things they don’t want to in the name of tradition and obligation,’ says Megan Devine, a psychotherapist and author of It’s OK That You’re Not OK. She’s not wrong. Shove the word ‘Christmas’ in front of an activity and suddenly lukewarm wine with your weird neighbours, or watching a former member of Steps turn on some lights, becomes an event worth putting on make-up for. But filling your diary with the same enthusiasm with which you fill your brand-new boots for the office Christmas party is doing you no favours. Of course, you don’t need us to tell you this – you’ve lived it. You’ve forced down wine the way a child forces down sprouts while counting down the days till January when sobriety is socially acceptable. Here’s an idea: chill the fuck out this year and make the Christmas season actually work for you.