‘IT FEELS LIKE BEING TRANQUILLISED’

Hannah*, 21, is a student at the University of Leeds. She’s been taking Xanax for three years

I was in sixth form when I first heard about Xanax. I didn’t really know what it was, just that it was something some people were into. I was in my first year at uni when I tried it for the first time. I was having some drinks with friends at our university halls and someone took out a pack of Xanax. They were taking it before going out, but I was staying home – I was curious, so I tried it. It felt like being transquillised; I felt so at ease with myself, and that made me feel more confident. It was a feeling that lasted well into the next day, but, by then, I couldn’t remember half the night and there was no way of getting those memories back. I began to take Xanax whenever I needed to relax. If I was stressed out while trying to revise for an exam or meet a deadline, it would reduce the anxious feelings enough for me to be able to get my work done. But I found that the more I took it, the more I got used to that feeling, and I began to feel confident enough to take it in social situations, too. Now, I often take it on nights out. Xanax is a huge part of the culture here, and it’s become a big part of my social life. Most people I know either take it, sell it or have chosen to stop taking it for one reason or another. It’s cheap, and people like the way it makes them feel. You become used to that feeling, and when you’re in a hectic university environment, you don’t want that feeling to go away. I’m in my final year now, and the pressure is immense. I constantly feel stressed about my workload and my future and Xanax helps me manage those feelings, so, in all honesty, I can’t see myself giving it up. I know it’s not the ideal solution, but I take it in moderation, and I don’t really see it as a problem. Next summer, I’ll be leaving uni and moving on from that culture, so that seems like a natural time to stop taking it. But I won’t hold myself to it.