‘I FELT LIKE MY FUTURE WAS SLIPPING AWAY FROM ME’
The image of the prime minister delivering the news that you must stay home for the safety of yourself and others is one that will be etched on your mind indefinitely, regardless of your circumstances. But early evidence on the impact of the UK lockdown suggests the loss of freedom, and the feelings that came with it, hit some groups harder than others. The Office for National Statistics found that young people were more likely than other age groups to report that the lockdown made their mental health worse. When the charity The Health Foundation analysed these results, it identified economic uncertainty – a third of 18 to 24-year-olds were furloughed or lost their jobs – as well as limited access to green space and cramped living conditions as being key to the decline in emotional wellbeing. But more significant still could be the impact of isolation during a time when you’re still discovering who you are. In a study published in June, researchers described how physical distancing might have a disproportionate effect on an age group for whom peer interaction is a vital aspect of development. ‘I’m no stranger to the anxiety that’s dominated my thoughts these past few months. My mind first started going into overdrive in the run-up to my GCSES when I was 15 – the age I developed my first bald patch. The anxiety was so severe that it manifested physically, as well as psychologically, in the form of alopecia areata; soon, another bald patch appeared behind my ear. Before long, I had seven across my scalp. As I started college, and the stress subsided, little tufts of hair began to grow back. I balanced homework with swimming competitively on a national and international level, before qualifying as a swimming teacher – all of which helped keep me in a good headspace when I started studying sports science at Salford University last September.
But lockdown swiftly dismantled all the things that made me feel calm and in control. My lectures, coursework and exams all went online; the pool where I taught lessons five times a week closed. At the same time, having moved in with my grandma to keep her company, my support network of friends, most of my family and boyfriend were all relegated to behind a screen. Overnight, it felt as though my future was slipping away from me: the fun stuff that makes university life what it is – I’d been so looking forward to the end of term celebrations – as well as everything I’d worked so hard for. I’d dreamed of running my own gym or swimming school one day. Now I wondered if it would ever happen.
My sister was brushing my hair one day in late March when she found a new bald patch. Within weeks, panic attacks became a regular occurrence; my thoughts gathered pace like waves until it felt as though my head was exploding. In the moment, it’s like I’m stuck in a room behind a glass door, and everyone who’s trying to help me – particularly my grandma, who was there by my side during the darkest lockdown moments – is on the other side. The thought that the door might never reopen is terrifying.
The easing of the lockdown has helped – it’s meant I’ve been able to teach swimming again, which I find so rewarding. And so has helping people with their fitness through my Instagram account (@katiecherry_fit). I’m also on a waiting list for NHS talking therapy. My doctor had recommended it to me before, but I’d always thought I could work through my anxiety alone. Now I feel that if someone can help me get better, that can only be a good thing.
The future I’d planned for myself is still uncertain. By the time you read this, I’ll be back at university, but I don’t yet know what that will look like. I do know that my university experience will be completely different from the one I imagined, and that when I do graduate, the job market will be tough. If I’ve gained anything this year, it’s perspective. Right now, searching for positives – no matter how small, or abstract – is all I can do.
For information and support, visit youngminds.org.uk