‘Without my tribe around me, I began to withdraw’

Cleo Felicia, 33, project manager for a pharmaceutical company, from Surrey

‘I gave birth to my daughter in August 2019, and the first six months of her life were near-idyllic. I shared parental leave with my husband; there were visits from my mother, trips out to meet friends, family gatherings and love coming at her – and me – from all angles. In February, when she was six months old, I started a new job – and I only had one day in the office before working from home became mandatory. Initially, I felt grateful that I’d get to witness my daughter’s milestones in a way that wouldn’t have been possible in ordinary times. But the bubble soon burst as the pressure of caring for our baby, both juggling full-time jobs, became too much. My daughter took to her routine and my husband was patient and caring, and yet a deep sense of loneliness set in. If this year has taught me anything, it’s that social contact from meaningful relationships outside of my nuclear family are important for me to feel whole. Before the pandemic, I was sustained by interactions with a wide and vibrant tribe of people and, without them, I began to withdraw, delaying my responses to messages and dreading group video calls. The loneliness peaked in July, and I found even simple tasks overwhelming. Daily calls with my mum while I take my daughter for a walk in her pram; a phoneless dinner with my husband each evening and long calls with a friend all patch up my feelings for a while. So has, finally, and not without squeamishness, opening up about the feelings of isolation that I’m learning to no longer explain away.’