How to get your other five-a-day
As per our Loneliness Remedy campaign, you should be shooting for five nutritious interactions a day. So what makes a connection ‘nutritious’? Here are the questions that count
WHO
A good way to guarantee you hit your five nutritious encounters is focusing your efforts on those closest to home – and they won’t necessarily be the ones who share the same floorboards. ‘Prioritise communicating with the people who you’re closest to emotionally,’ says Professor Hall. ‘I call this your “first 15” – meaning the 15 most important people in your life. That might include good friends, close relatives, your partner or all of the above.’ Conversations with these people will always be nutritious, so make a note of who they are. That’s not to say that conversations with those outside of this group hold no value. Far from it – see: your social biome. Don’t have 15? Write down 10 names, or five. When it comes to connection, quality always trumps quantity.
WHAT
Wondering how you’ll fit in five deep-and-meaningfuls between your morning 5k, back-to-back Zoom calls and three episodes of Sex Education? Worry not, conversations that constitute putting the world to rights count for just one of your macros. ‘My research has shown that you don’t need to have a really deep conversation every time you speak to someone, as it’s simply not energy efficient,’ says Professor Hall. Instead, focus on getting varied conversations; expressing affection, catching up, joking around and, yes, the aforementioned meaningful talks. If hitting these sounds like admin you don’t have time for, just being aware of them can make a difference, adds Professor Hall. ‘The research suggests that when you interact with intention and say, “I’m going to slow down and catch up with someone I care about,” that’s related to a higher sense of feeling socially nourished.’
HOW
Why does a walk with a friend leave you buzzing and endless scrolling make you feel grubby? Because, much like the calories in a burger and a kale-stuffed smoothie, not all social interactions are created equal. ‘Think about it as a hierarchy,’ says Professor Hall. ‘Face-to-face interactions are at the top, phone calls slightly below that, texting and video chat on the third tier and social media contact at the bottom.’ Why in-person interactions will always nourish you the most is a question Robin Dunbar, professor of evolutionary psychology at the University of Oxford and author of Friends (£20, Little, Brown), has been asking for years. ‘You get a lot of information about how people actually feel not from what they say, but how they say it,’ he says. ‘The more social cues you have, such as facial expressions and intonations, the better you feel your relationship is with that person.’ If you’re wondering why video calling ranks comparatively low, it’s to do with the energy it demands of you (think: checking your hair, making eye contact). As for social media? It’s the social equivalent of junk food: satisfying in the short term, but ultimately won’t satiate your social hunger.