FRIENDS REUNITED

As mounting research reveals nostalgia to be good for your health, one writer dives back into her past to see if she can rekindle those friendships that faded

One writer Zooms her old friends to reap the health benefits of nostalgia

We’re lying on two single hostel beds. The linen clings to our bare thighs and the hum of Bangkok drifts through the rickety window. Her ankletadorned feet are dangling off the end of the bed when Fiona says, ‘You should move to Australia and live with me.’ We’re tipsy from the boozy buckets we’ve been drinking all evening with other backpackers on the city’s famous Khao San Road. But it’s midnight now, it’s just the two of us again and we’re fast approaching the end of our three-week trip. As I think about saying yes, about moving across the world to continue our friendship in the southern hemisphere, the future stretches out before us; babies, marriages, growing into old women. In that moment, our friendship feels invincible.

I’ve replayed this scene from 2009 a few times during the past year and, each time I’ve gone back there, I wonder how it can be that I’ve not seen Fiona’s face for 11 years. I’m 37 now, and when I got married five years ago, Fiona wasn’t by my side. Nor was she there blowing up balloons for my 30th birthday party. I never did go to Australia with her, and the distance drove a wedge between us. After years of shared history – tipsy walks home after nights filled with dancing, rambling heart-to-hearts in the early hours – we stopped talking. Pre-covid, I’d just accepted this loss, knowing that we didn’t have the time for each other while our schedules were filled with work meetings, evenings out and whatever else we used to do when we weren’t confined to our homes. But

I’ve found myself dwelling on these seemingly small moments, hopelessly nostalgic like never before. I’ve listened to Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill while furiously cleaning the bathroom; I rewatched the entire Twilight saga in one locked down weekend, a blanket wrapped around my body like a poorly child taking a day off school. And I’m not alone. Last summer, my favourite films from the 80s – The Goonies and

ET– re-entered the US box office charts for the first time in years.

‘It doesn’t surprise me that many of us are reaching out to people we grew up with or went to school with, and finding solace and joy in these relationships,’ Dr Sophie Mort, clinical psychologist and author of A Manual For Being Human

(£14.99, Simon & Schuster), tells me. She says many of her millennial clients have found themselves reconnecting with friendships that have faded, and points to research indicating that this nostalgia can convert into legitimate health benefits. A University of Southampton study found that participants turned to nostalgia when faced with worrisome life situations, leading the authors to report that focusing on happier times can help you cope with present uncertainties. Another, published in 2020*, suggests engaging in nostalgia can improve mental health by reducing levels of the stress hormone cortisol. ‘True connection to other people, knowing that they care about you, chatting with them and laughing, makes you feel safe and enhances feel-good chemicals such as oxytocin,’ adds Dr Mort. ‘It follows that reconnecting with people you share old memories with is a way to reinforce who you are.’

In short, if you can get past the initial awkwardness, the wins are significant. So, armed with a Zoom account and the knowledge that my curiosity is both entirely normal and potentially beneficial to my health, I decide to reach out to all the friends I’ve lost touch with over the years to see if there’s something worth saving.