REPORTS WE COULDN’T MAKE UP
1 MARSEILLE MAYHEM
Rarely the most stable club in Europe, Marseille have descended into complete chaos in recent weeks. At the start of December they were second and very much in the running for the Ligue 1 title, yet a run of three wins in their next eight games saw them slip down to ninth. As a result – and in protest at Jacques-Henri Eyraud’s presidency – over 100 ultras attacked the club’s training ground, throwing smoke bombs and setting trees alight, with defender Alvaro Gonzalez struck with a projectile and suffering a minor back injury.
Police made 25 arrests and their home fixture against Rennes was postponed – but the madness didn’t stop there. On transfer deadline day, coach Andre Villas-Boas resigned in protest at the signing of Olivier Ntcham, a replacement for Aston Villa-bound Morgan Sanson. “He was specifically a player that I said no to,” the ex-Chelsea boss explained. “I learned of the signing when I woke up. I offered my resignation, saying I was not in agreement with the sporting strategy.”
“I really liked Marseille, but I’m a professional,” he added.
2 LOSING A JOB
During the online stream of Hamilton Academical v Ross County, the second half began with no commentary. “I hadn’t pressed the wee button,” eventually explained commentator Bobby Bulloch when his voice re-joined the action, before going a bit too far in his justification. “I was away for a jobby at half-time.”
“Apologies if you deem that bad language, viewers,” his embarrassed co-commentator replied, but Bulloch didn’t slow down.
“Yeah sorry it was just a wee bit of poop, and I was a wee bit late back over because I had to squeeze quite a bit! Sorry I’ll change the subject and get back to the match.”
“The club didn’t find this funny, and the person will not be used again. Our apologies for this,” said Hamilton after the incident.
3 MAN OF THE MATCH
The Premier League is one of the most popular leagues in Norway, so there was understandably a great deal of excitement when Martin Odegaard, one of the country’s brightest talents, joined Arsenal. At half-time in his first match against Manchester United, TV viewers voted the loanee the second-best player on the pitch, and by the 75th minute he had overtaken Bruno Fernandes as man of the match. The problem? He didn’t come off the bench until the 83rd minute.
4 UNHAPPY HAIRDRESSERS
German football has come under fierce scrutiny from an unlikely source: the German Hairdresser Association. With salons across the country closed since December, the association wrote to the DFB to complain at the number of players who have clearly received a fresh trim – in spite of German salons being closed by the pandemic. “It is with great amazement we noticed that over the last match days of Bundesliga a vast majority of the professional footballers took to the pitch with new haircuts,” the open letter read.
“The discontent with the top styled football pros is growing. They lead to customers calling and asking for work on the side and breaches of the corona regulations like visits at home.”
5 COPPA CHAOS
While some extra-time periods can be tense affairs with little attention, Roma’s 4-2 Coppa Italia defeat to Spezia was absolutely wild. Less than a minute after the restart, Roma’s Gianluca Mancini was shown his second yellow card, and seconds later they were down to nine men, as goalkeeper Pau Lopez rushed out of his box and clattered into an onrushing Spezia forward. With a two-man advantage, the visitors went on to win 4-2, with a glorious chip from Riccardo Saponara, yet there was one more twist: Roma were subsequently handed an automatic 3-0 defeat for making one substitute too many.