Grace’s Index
1989
Stars in the milky way: 100 thousand million
If the sun were to stop burning and form a black hole the diameter would measure one and a half kilometres
Space and gravity: Rab – ½ Rgab = Tab
Countries in the world: 174
Countries that I have visited: 4 (including England)
Population of London: 6.8m
% of people I know in London: Not statistically significant
Distance from the earth to the moon: 233,855 miles
Distance from London to Glasgow: 403.6 miles
The number of times I have visited my parents in the last eighteen months: once
The number of times my parents have argued: infinity
Chances that my dad was unfaithful more than once: 95%
The number of times my mum found out: once
Probability that mum or dad will ask me to take sides in their argument: 100%
Average number of minutes after my mum has finished a bottle of wine that she calls me: Five
Number of Tube stops I’ve visited in a year: 9 (Highgate, Bank, Oxford Circus, Piccadilly, Leicester Square, Embankment, Charing Cross, St Pauls, Hampstead)
Number of slats in the blinds of my office: 94
Size of my office: 8 square feet
Number of clients: 15
Percentage of clients that like me: Unknown
Chances that my boss will say it is a little early to be thinking of promotion at my next appraisal: 100 % Probability that I’m good at my job 50:50
Percentage of graduates that would kill for my job: >75%
Number of Americanos with an extra shot consumed on an average weekday: six
Probability that Calum loves his job: 100%
The number of times that Calum and I have eaten dinner together in the last month: 3
The number of times Calum and I have had sex in the last month: 1
Percentage of sex that was good sex in the last month: 100%
Percentage of times that Calum has unloaded the dishwasher: 5%
Percentage decline in sex life over 5 years: 15%, year on year
Number of nights shifts Calum has done this week: 5
Proportion of days when Calum’s on shift that I’ve drank a bottle of wine: 100%
Number of times I’ve hoovered the flat this week: four
Size of this flat: 1200 sq. foot
Books on the bookshelf: 231
Proportion of books unread: 15% (All Calum’s)
Distance from the flat to Highgate cemetery: <1 mile
Size of Highgate Cemetery: 37 acres
Number of graves in Highgate cemetery: >53,000
Number of times I’ve walked around Highgate cemetery: 6
Moles on my face: 1
Bones in my body: 206
Percentage of bones in Freddie’s body broken: 10%
Cars that mowed Freddie down: one
Chances of Freddie defying gravity: Zero
Rab – ½ Rgab = Tab
Number of brothers: One zero
Number of times I’ve visited Freddie’s grave: zero
RUNNERS-UP AND SHORTLISTED
Fourth place in the Grand Flash Prize, winning a WM Courses critique, was JANE BROUGHTON, Urmston, Manchester. Fifth place, a year’s subscription to WM, was JEAN COOPER MORAN, Cinderford, Gloucestershire.
Also shortlisted were: RACHAEL CHARMLEY, Harleston, Norfolk; RUTH EDWARDSON, Rochford, Essex; TRACY FELLS, Ashington, West Sussex; TRACY GEDDES, Fraserburgh, Aberdeenshire; BARBARA HENDERSON, Berwick-upon-Tweed, Northumberland; SHARON KEMP, Surbiton, Surrey; EMMA LORD, Swindon, Wiltshire; HELENE DU MAURI, Dawlish, South Devon; ANGELA G PICKERING, Ely, Cambridgeshire; EMILY RUMSEY, Sheffield, South Yorkshire.