SHAT ROULETTE

Pub­lish­ers send OXM games. Loads of games. Good, bad and down­right stinky. Ev­ery month, we delve into our Games Cup­board of Doom and re­play a howler…

XBox: The Official Magazine - - XBOX EXTRA -

Oh Naughty Bear, oh bear of lit­tle brain, how do we loathe thee? Let us count the ways… One! The vi­o­lently jit­tery cam­era, which makes us want to vomit our stuffing all over the floor ev­ery time we dare tap the right thumb­stick in any di­rec­tion.

Two! The crip­pling lack of a lock-on me­chanic, mak­ing this a stealth game where stealth is al­most out of the ques­tion – you spend an eter­nity creep­ing up be­hind an­other bear, only to then break out into an in­ter­pre­tive dance when you’re within earshot.

Three! The en­emy AI, which is so bird­brained that you can shake off even the most per­sis­tent of pur­suers by… waltz­ing into some waist-high grass. In­deed, the other bears are so com­i­cally sui­ci­dal that you won­der if Naughty Bear’s ef­forts are a com­plete waste – he could put on the ket­tle, put his feet up and Per­fec­tion Is­land would still man­age to rid it­self of life all by it­self be­fore the six o’clock news had be­gun. Four! What a des­per­ate waste of a fab­u­lous premise – a cutesy Hit­man game with dozens of bru­tal ways to knock the stuffing out of your tar­gets. How the heck do you muck that up?

And – worst of all – five! When Naughty Bear was orig­i­nally re­leased, the game’s PR man de­liv­ered us a full-sized bear suit, which id­iot vis­i­tors to our of­fice still in­sist on putting on and do­ing end­less poses with to this day. Like Fam­ily Guy, that stuff stopped be­ing funny in 2010.

// The PR gave us a big bear suit, which id­iots in­sist on wear­ing//

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