TWO POINT HOSPITAL
50ccs of management sim injected directly into your Xbox
Publisher sega Developer two point studios ETA winter
A patient comes to your office with unusual symptoms, including a shiny red nose, giant feet and an excess of buffoonery. Your diagnostic skills find the obvious cause – a severe jest infection. The only cure? A trip to the clown clinic for a complete excision of their out-of-control sense of humour.
So, yes, Two Point Hospital’s grasp of medical practice doesn’t lean on the realistic side, but that doesn’t make this detailed management sim any less engrossing. As administrator, you’re tasked with building and maintaining the best hospitals you can, keeping on top of everything from designing rooms, hiring and firing nurses and doctors, performing scientific research and even controlling the temperature.
And all while contending with an ever-growing list of increasingly bizarre ailments, diseases and psychological disorders, from denim genes to monobrow to premature mummification. Weird illnesses demand even weirder cures – lightheadedness, for example, causes patients’ heads to turn into light bulbs, and is treated by unscrewing the offending bonces and screwing new ones on. An irreverent sense of humour ensures that even the most morbid subject matter is kept light and fun. Yes, patients will die… but they’ll come back as a ghost in a white sheet to haunt your hospital, too.
Share the health
The game launched originally on PC in August last year, to awards and positive reviews. It’s a clear spiritual successor to Bullfrog’s classic
Theme Hospital, and even has some of that title’s original creators on its development team. Two Point Hospital will be especially pleasing for anyone who loved that game back in 1997, but its best trick is that, while it benefits from a nostalgic eye, it still feels thoroughly modern, never succumbing to overly retro-aping clunkiness.
Having proven its worth in the world of mice and keyboards, the only question really is how well it can translate its often complex building and management to gamepad controls. The latest footage is promising – play seems smooth and intuitive, though we do wonder how quickly we’ll be able to traverse the game’s many menus and lists of items. One major upside to Two Point
Hospital’s recent history on PC is that it’s coming to Xbox with over a year’s worth of free updates already in place, including new features and qualityof-life improvements such as the ability to copy-paste room layouts and customise your staff members’ looks. The game’s expansions are bundled in, too, allowing you to build in a wintery region in Bigfoot and a tropical paradise in Pebberley Island.
“Patients will die… but they’ll come back as a ghost in a white sheet”
Below The cure for getting a pan stuck on your head? A giant magnet, of course.