PETE GOSS Sailing as a couple
Iwas asked, during a recent interview in Paris, the secret to getting your partner interested in cruising. To answer this, we need to go back 40 years to a pursuit race up the Tamar River. My crew had dropped out and so, by chance, I was to meet my future wife. She wasn’t particularly interested, was scared of the water and couldn’t sail. We agreed that all she had to do was make up the numbers and pass the sandwiches. We won. Did the resultant wave of euphoria sweep Tracey into sailing? No.
This was partly due to a take it or leave it relationship with sailing but mainly due to holding the fort while I was a competitive sailor. We also left sailing outside the front door as we wanted to keep our children out of the spotlight and free to plough their own furrows. Other interests were nurtured. If you came to our home you wouldn’t know that I sailed.
There is no one more amazed and proud of what Tracey has done than I am. To answer the interviewer’s question I stopped the camera, pulled out my phone and called the expert. Here follows some sage advice, shot straight from Tracey’s hip.
Talk up all those exotic locations that cruising will open up. You may love the journey but your partner might love the destination, so focus on that. Offer the option of leapfrogging ocean passages for, as Tracey used to say, ‘nothing goes to windward like a 747 jet’. Underline that only 20 percent of a cruising life is spent sailing so don’t judge it on short holidays where sailing is the main event.
Don’t have a rigid watch system. We play to our strengths and energy levels of the moment, which nurtures a relaxed and confident atmosphere. Tracey hates night sailing so the bulk of the night is mine to
enjoy. Avoid night sails when there is no moon and be sensitive to these nuances — over time night sailing might seem less malevolent.
We have a red card policy where either of us can delay a sail, even if there is no apparent explanation. Intuition is often right in hindsight and if it isn’t then no one was forced to sea with low energy levels or a feeling of doom.
All decisions must be joint, discussed in detail and properly digested. Big decisions need to gestate so factor in the time. Any disagreement must stay in the cockpit.
Be clear that with modern communication, trips home and family visits, cruising need not be a big wrench. We have had some of our most memorable times with the kids as they have been swept up in our adventures. Should we need to be home we just lift Pearl out of the water and get on a plane.
Don’t trigger seasickness by heading straight out to sea. We get our sea legs while enjoying life at anchor. If circumstance forces an inclement departure, jointly agree that it’s short term discomfort for long term gain, and the red card is always there. Avoid bad weather like the plague, but be patient, as what felt like bad weather last year is now seen as fun.
Have clear areas of responsibility and don’t interfere beyond giving advice. Tracey has always been a homemaker. Below decks is her territory and as her experience has risen, is worth its weight in gold.
Don’t presume that you know everything as you will probably be wrong. Keep talking to each other. Cruising is a spectrum and you will each enjoy different parts to differing degrees. Just accept that your partner might never like sailing, so don’t bang on about it. Treat it as an enabler that offers the two of you one of the most amazing and rewarding experiences of your lives.
Be kind to each other; this is a big change and can be emotional. Take time out to stop, reflect and celebrate. Be flexible — aspirations are better than plans.
My crew had dropped out so, by chance, I met my future wife