Having too high expectations may set up that special someone to fail

DO YOU remember that TV programme Tales of the Unexpected? I used to love it, each story would have an unexpected twist at the end.

Life can sometimes be a bit like that and it can leave you feeling disappointed. The difficulty begins with the fact that your expectations are just that. For example, you may expect someone to behave in a certain way, but we rarely share those expectations with that other person.

Our expectations are based on our own experience of life, what we think should happen or what we would like to happen and we expect other people to behave accordingly. For example, you may say to your partner, ‘I expected flowers when you took me to dinner’, this was based upon your experience of what you’d seen on TV and what your friends had told you; but your partner bought you nothing as he was taking you out for a meal! If you haven’t shared your experience or told them of your expectation how are they to know?

The good news is expectations are really easy to spot – when you are about to explain your disappointment you usually start the sentence with ‘It’s just I expected you to...’

When you spot an expectation, check with yourself first and ask, have you shared that expectation with that other person or are you setting them up to fail?

Ask yourself what would their expectation be and if you haven’t shared what you expect of them and they haven’t met your expectations, then use this experience as a learning reflection for you, know that there was not a match of expectations and commit to sharing yours next time, in advance, in a positive and constructive way.

However, like the TV show, the enjoyment in life often comes in the twists, so if something doesn’t turn out quite how you expected – look for the twist, what actually happened, you may find that the reality, rather than your expectation, was as good or may be even better, a real Tale of the Unexpected!

Andrea Morrison is author of The Feel Good Factor in 30 days and is a personal coach & speaker (andreamorrison.co.uk).