How cruel reality of TV fame drove singer to breakdown
Four years ago, Lucy Spraggan seemed almost certain to win the X Factor, but then her life unravelled. She tells Gabrielle Fagan how she paid a heavy price for 15 minutes of fame.
THE ROAD to reality television is littered with cautionary tales. Lucy Spraggan is one of them. Four years ago the Sheffield-born singer made it to the X Factor finals, was widely tipped to win the show, but then it all very publicly fell apart.
Quitting the series early because of the death of her grandma, she now admits the public scrutiny and harsh online criticism she attracted contributed to her contemplating suicide.
“It’s an amazing high when you go on a show like that – and I don’t regret it for a minute – but you are in this unreal bubble of fame and attention. It means millions of people see you, watch your every move and feel free to constantly criticise you, which is hard to take,” says the 25-year-old, who’s just released a new single, Dear You – the story of two friends battling mental health issues, inspired by her own traumatic experiences. “I experienced endless cruel Twitter trolling and comments ranging from ‘you’re rubbish’ to ‘you’re ugly,’ and much worse. It felt like the constant destruction of my personality and that my outer shell, which you use to protect yourself, was being worn away. I nearly took my own life.”
It all started so well when Lucy joined the show and she was hailed for her original, heartfelt songs – a mixture of acoustic, folk and hip hop – all of which she wrote herself. She became the first contestant in the show’s history to score a Top 40 single and album before the live shows even aired, with her independently released album, Top Room At The Zoo, but it proved too much too son.
“I couldn’t carry on. I’d been ill with flu, was exhausted and grieving. I’d got out of the series all I wanted – attention for my music,” she says. “I know I was right now because if I was broken from being on a quarter of the show, imagine what could have happened if I’d stayed till the end. I know many people who think there should be some kind of therapy offered afterwards. For some people, suddenly having to pick up the pieces of their life and just returning to their old jobs again as if nothing has happened is very tough.”
By contrast, Spraggan, who first started performing in festivals aged 13, enjoyed sell-out tours post-X Factor, and saw her career go from strength to strength, but “inside I felt empty and as though all the colour had drained out of life”, she recalls.
“I felt even worse because people rightly kept saying how well I was doing, but all I felt was worthless, which seemed so ungrateful and wrong. It was down to the depression kicking in, but I didn’t recognise it.”
One morning she tried to crash her car on a motorway, only stopping herself when she looked at her dog sitting next to her, and realised she’d hit rock bottom.
“I drove onto the hard shoulder, sobbed my heart out and knew I had to face the fact that something was seriously wrong. I went home and step-by-step started to rebuild my life. I changed the way I worked to give myself more structure, improved my diet, exercised and saw someone for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy commonly used to treat anxiety and depression). Recovering from a mental breakdown takes time, but you can do it.”
Falling in love proved a turning point and, in June, she married Georgina Gordon. She now hopes her new single, with a video starring This Is England actor Thomas Turgoose, will help end the stigma around mental health.
“It is another way of facing my demons,” says Spraggan. “I hope I can help break the taboo surrounding mental health problems. I’d just urge anyone going through it to talk to someone before they get into the state I did. Expressing your feelings and sharing the pain helps release the pressure.”
Lucy Spraggan is an ambassador for mental health charity Young Minds.