Help for all victims of domestic abuse
WE LIVE in a patriarchal, maledominated society where, on average, men are physically stronger and have higher incomes.
On average, men are more able to physically abuse and economically dominate a relationship, but that does not mean that domestic abuse is exclusively or overwhelmingly perpetrated by men on women.
Some women are physically stronger than some men. Some women are the main income earners, both in same- sex and in opposite- sex relationships.
There is little evidence that men are psychologically stronger than women, stronger willed or more emotionally resilient, for example.
According to ONS data, although domestic abuse is prevalent, it is often hidden and therefore difficult to quantify.
Although there is a reluctance to report all types of domestic abuse, half of male victims fail to tell anyone that they are a victim of domestic abuse, and male victims are almost three times less likely to tell anyone than female victims.
Domestic abuse against men is likely to be even less visible than domestic abuse against women.
There also appears to be a reluctance on the part of victims to report same- sex domestic abuse.
Male victims of domestic violence are more likely to report that the perpetrator was female than male:
61 per cent compared with only one per cent.
Female victims are more likely to report that the perpetrator was male rather than female: 56 per cent compared with two per cent.
But these figures need to be treated with caution. One third of male victims and 40 per cent of female victims in these surveys stated that they did not know the sex of the perpetrator or did not wish to answer the question.
To use a personal example, I was earning eight times more than my abusive partner, but he was physically and psychologically stronger than me, enabling his coercive and controlling behaviour.
I was a senior police officer at the time, but I did not tell anyone about the abuse for years, until it became physically dangerous.
Even then, I did not report it to the police, despite being beaten up in the street. When I finally managed to leave, he threatened to kill me and said that he would get his revenge.
Eighteen months later, he collaborated with a Sunday tabloid newspaper, making false criminal allegations and describing intimate details of our relationship in a kiss- and- tell story, which the newspaper eventually admitted was libellous.
The threat of revenge and abuse after separation can continue for years.
Domestic abuse in all its forms can be perpetrated by both men and women on both men and women. The true picture of the levels of abuse is unclear, in part because of the pressure to conform to the traditional, socially accepted norm of male- dominated heterosexual relationships.
According to ONS figures, one third of victims of domestic abuse are men, but only four per cent of victims being supported by local domestic violence services are men.
We must make it absolutely clear throughout the Domestic Abuse Bill, and throughout the statutory guidance, that the provisions apply equally to all victims of domestic abuse, and the services provided should be proportional to the needs of all victims, whatever their gender or sexuality.
Domestic abuse is domestic abuse, whoever the perpetrator is and whoever the survivor is. Not feeling safe in your own home is one of the worst positions anyone can find themselves in.
We have an opportunity here to help.
But I did not tell anyone about the abuse for years, until it became physically dangerous.