I’M STRUGGLING TO COPE WITH MY WIFE’S ILLNESS

My wife has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. The oncologist said that the breast cancer is now in her bones, the treatment is not working and that she may have less than a year to live. She is only 43 and the news is devastating. We have two children aged eight and ten and I know I need to stay strong for my wife and for them. I worry about how the children will deal with the news and I am struggling with my own feelings, too. I know the children will need help but I don’t know how to approach the subject or if I should talk to them about it at all. I don’t know where to turn. I am so very sorry. I totally understand you wanting to protect your children but it’s important that they are told. They need to know that their mummy is ill and be made to feel that they are part of what the whole family is going through. This will allow for trust and openness and help them to express their thoughts and feelings. It is important that they ask questions and communicate their fears because if they don’t it could create a damaging circle of silence. Even very young children can pick up tension within the family. If they ask if mummy is dying then gently explain that sadly this is something that is probably going to happen at some point and give them lots of reassurance about how much you both love them. You, your wife and your children may need further help – if so contact Marie Curie (0800 090 2309, mariecurie.org.uk/ help) and Breast Cancer Care (0808 800 6000, breastcancercare.org.uk), which both provide care and support for people who are terminally ill and their families. For as long as your wife is able to, try to do things as a couple and particularly as a family so the children can enjoy a normal life as far as possible and have fun and happy memories to treasure. Encourage them to talk about all of this to both of you whenever they want to. Hopefully the extended family can support you as well. This is a tragic situation – all my thoughts are with you.