ARE YOU READY FOR HIS LATELIFE CRISIS?

The retirement years can be fraught with unforeseen porblems. But theer aer ways to help your partner thorugh his

Rebecca and her husband David have weathered a few storms during their 30-year marriage. There has been much to celebrate: their three children are now happy, healthy, successful adults, and David’s IT career has provided more than comfortably for the family. And, as in every marriage, there have been testing times along the way, too: exceptionally long working hours, career changes, a miscarriage, a teenage son briefly going off the rails.

Now, with their children grown, retirement and a healthy pension in place, you might think that the greatest challenges are behind them – that marriage-wise, they’re home and dry. Not so.

‘We’re struggling more now than ever before,’ says Rebecca, 59. ‘David retired in 2014, aged 64. There was a company takeover and he was very politely shown the door.

‘He has morphed from a vital, interesting husband and companion into a morose, moody, monosyllabic stranger who is really not nice to be around. He drinks more than I’ve ever known him to – easily a bottle of wine a day, and then some. He seems to have lost any interest in making plans, going out, doing anything. I’m still working part-time, thank goodness, but I dread coming home. We avoid each other. He’ll be on the computer or dozing in the sitting room; I’m hiding in the kitchen with the radio for company.

‘I can see that he’s miserable,’ continues

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Rebecca, ‘but he’s unreachable and I can’t take much more. We’re all aware of the midlife crisis, but no one warns you that it can be a whole lot worse 20 years down the line.’

It’s true that the ‘latelife crisis’ is less acknowledged, even though research suggests that a third of people in their 60s will have one. The midlife crisis is so much more conspicuous – the flash sports car, the sudden urge to go clubbing, the younger lover, the drama. The latelife crisis is an altogether quieter, more insular affair. It’s a decline, a disengagement, a retreat behind closed doors.

Despite this, the clues are there. The divorce rate among the over-60s – the surge in so-called ‘silver separations’ – is one glaring indicator. Between 2002 and 2012, the divorce rate in this age group rose by 45 per cent, and these were not couples on second or third marriages, but couples like David and Rebecca who had made it through several decades together (the average length of marriage before divorce in this age group is 32 years).

Then there’s the drinking. A number of studies have revealed a steady rise in the volume of alcohol consumed by older people, with 20 per cent of men and ten per cent of women aged 65 and over now exceeding recommended guidelines (despite the increased risk of falls, diabetes, dementia and high blood pressure that it may cause). One third of older problem drinkers are ‘late onset’ with no previous history, often drinking to ease the stresses of age and retirement.

Dr Oliver Robinson, a psychology lecturer at the University of Greenwich, who has led extensive research into the latelife crisis, is surprised by how unprepared we are. ‘There’s little discussion about the difficulties we often face at this stage of life,’ he says. ‘Instead, there’s a widespread perception that it’s an easy time of life when the pressure lifts, you can relax and book a few cruises in the sun. But it’s far more complex than that. I’ve interviewed people who have experienced a latelife crisis and I think it’s one of the tougher types.’

London-based psychotherapist Wendy Bristow agrees. ‘There’s a lot going on in your 60s,’ she says. ‘It’s the decade where everything seems to be