HE HAS BETRAYED ME – BUT I STILL ADORE HIM

I married my husband three years ago. We were deeply in love and had a great sex life. Our friends and family always commented on how happy we were. We rented a beautiful house, I left my job and retrained to set up a business, which was my dream. Then my world fell apart when, a few months into our marriage, I discovered that he had had sex with another man. I confronted him and he said he was just bi-curious and he is straight. I put it behind me, but a few weeks ago I found a secret mobile phone and discovered that for the past six months he had been sleeping with a woman 20 years his senior (he is 40). He lied and lied about it. Our families are completely shattered. His father refuses to speak to him and mine can’t stop crying. Then I found another text to this woman saying he needed to lie low and let it blow over before he saw her again. I am now 38. He has robbed me of my chance of having a baby. He might as well have put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. He is begging me to return. I still completely adore him – he is the love of my life. I don’t know what to do. Much of the time when you thought he was totally in love with you and sex was fantastic, he was playing around elsewhere. As he lied so much you must also wonder if there have been other women or men he has slept with. No wonder you are devastated. Some people find it much harder to accept if it’s a same-sex relationship, others find it less threatening. Try not to see him as the love of your life, because the person you fell in love with is different from the person he really is – someone who cheats and lies about it. I think it would be a mistake to get back with him. He told the other woman that he would see her again when things had calmed down, so how could you ever trust him again? Have counselling with Relate (relate.org.uk) to help you cope with this terrible betrayal and build a new future.