DEAR ZELDA

My fiancé and I are getting married next year. We have decided on a low-key registry office wedding and a meal afterwards with our family and close friends, which is a total of 14 people. We are not planning on having a best man or bridesmaids. However, my mother is not happy with this as my father will not be walking me down the aisle in a traditional wedding. She is also pressuring me to invite my estranged sister to be a witness and to invite a family friend of 30 years. I don’t want to do it, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings either. Please can you give me some advice? The wedding you have should be you and your fiancé’s choice. After all, it is your special day and one that you will always remember. If you want a registry office ceremony rather than a church wedding, you should stand up to your mother gently, but firmly. Explain to her that you are perhaps a different sort of person to her and that a big church do is simply not something that you would feel comfortable with. It is sad that you are estranged from your sister. Is there any way that you could sort out your differences? If you can do this, perhaps she could come to the wedding. She doesn’t have to be a witness. If you like the family friend, why not invite her? If you don’t, then your mother should accept that she will not be on the guest list. My husband and I were childhood sweethearts and we have been married for 27 years. However, these days he is always in the pub and doesn’t spend much time with me at weekends. I have told him how I feel disappointed that he spends so little time with me, but nothing changes. Our children are adults and we have grandchildren, too. It should be our time together now. I suggested that we surprise each other and visit different places, but it didn’t last. I feel so lonely. Sadly, your husband is being unfair and insensitive. One of the joys of a marriage in later years should be spending time together. When you are both working and bringing up a family, it can be hard to find time for just the two of you. Even though it can be difficult to adjust when the children leave home, it does give you the opportunity to do much more together and even renew your relationship, which might have run into difficulties. Of course, it is important to have your own interests and friends, but you should also do things together. I wonder how happy your marriage has been over the years. Unfortunately, you have to ask your husband a difficult question – does he still love you and want to be with you? If he says that he does, then explain to him how lonely you are and that you need things to change, otherwise you are not sure you can stay together. Ask him to come to counselling with you at Relate (relate.co.uk, 0300 100 1234) or Marriage Care (marriagecare.org.uk, 0800 389 3801.). If he refuses, go alone so that you can decide what you want to do.