IN THIS ISSUE

Once upon a time, at a business dinner, a woman I had known for an hour leaned across the table and said to me, ‘Really, when you think about it, your having just one child is a form of child abuse.’ I was too stunned to think of a cutting retort. An extreme view, for sure, but not the first time I’d received an unsolicited opinion on being the parent of an only child. There was a colleague who used to tell me that one child ‘isn’t a proper family’. Others feel strongly that an only child can’t possibly grow up well-adjusted and mentally healthy. So I nodded furiously when reading Emma Brockes’s piece ‘Let’s Bust the “Selfish Woman” Myth’ on page 28. I wonder how much longer we will have to wait for a world in which a woman’s every choice doesn’t elicit scrutiny and judgment. But, as Emma points out, for some reason, the world feels fine about passing a verdict on whatever a woman decides to do with her life – or should I say, her womb.

Predictably, boringly, it’s different for men. My husband can tell people he has one child without immediately being asked: ‘So, why didn’t you have any more?’ or ‘What a shame you only have one.’

I’m not sure if my brand of selfishness is better or worse than my friends who have multiple children, or those with none. It’s exhausting trying to live up to the endless moral codes laid out for women. How long will we have to keep pleading to live and let live? But Emma’s thoughtful piece moves the conversation along in the right direction.

For the record, my daughter’s sibling-free childhood has not made her the spoilt brat with an allergy to sharing, as many had warned. For anyone worried an only child will struggle to make friends, the hours I spend laundering extra bedlinen from endless sleepovers tell a different story. Having watched the struggles of friends trying to have ‘just the one’ child, I feel so lucky. Emma’s feature is a reminder that there are many ways to live a whole life.

Even when we don’t understand someone else’s choices, it doesn’t make them bad choices. Maybe it’s time for us to be more open to the different ways in which others strive for their version of a happy life.

Enjoy the issue.