DEAR ZELDA

My partner’s family has never liked me. We met at work and started an affair while he was still married. After about a year, someone at the office told his wife. She was very angry and gave him the choice either to end things with me and see if they could make their marriage work, or to leave. He chose me. Whenever I see his parents and his sister they either ignore me or are quick to make critical comments. He has two children in their mid-teens but they refuse to have anything to do with me. We are both in our early 40s and are not living together as he wants to be on his own and have his children over to stay. I love him so much and really want to get married, but he has never mentioned it. What should I do? Unfortunately his children and his parents seem to blame you for the break-up of his marriage and see you as the ‘other’ woman. It is a very difficult situation as it may be that his marriage would have ended anyway – he must have been unhappy to have started an affair with you in the first place. Also, he has made a strong choice to leave to be with you – most men end affairs when they are found out. However, his family don’t see it like this and may think that everything was fine, or that his marriage was just going through a rough patch until you came along and ruined it completely. His children probably don’t want anything to do with you because they feel very hurt and loyal to their mother. Of course he will want to keep his precious relationship with his children and you two not living together may be best for now. But you should ask him if he is absolutely sure he feels he has made the right decision and whether he sees you getting married or living together in the future. He also needs to talk to his parents, his sister and his children. He could explain to them very gently that he is really sorry that he has hurt his family, but that he hadn’t been happy for a while and so he fell deeply in love with you (which I hope is the case). It will take time but hopefully they will come to accept you. Behave impeccably whenever you see any of them and be patient.