I THINK MY BOYFRIEND MIGHT BE GAY

Q

I am 22 and have been with my boyfriend for more than three years. He is the only person I have ever slept with and he had only had sex once before me, with a one-night stand. He had very little interest in girls or sex before me and still thinks that clubbing is more fun. However, he has a very close best friend (I’ll call him J) who is getting in the way of our relationship. They have been friends since primary school and J is still a virgin – I don’t think that he has ever kissed a woman. I asked if J is gay but my boyfriend was quick to deny it and is very protective of him. I’ve also suggested setting up J with friends of mine (either male or female) but the idea was met with complete rejection and demands that I ‘don’t get involved with J’s affairs ever again’. I am sure that J is in love with my boyfriend but is it mutual?

A

Unfortunately for you, I think this love is probably mutual and that your boyfriend may well be gay (or bisexual), but in denial. That he had little or no interest in sex before you and prefers clubbing could indicate this. Also, if your boyfriend wasn’t gay, then he probably wouldn’t get angry or protective when asked about J’s sexuality and would be pleased that you want to help J find someone. But it sounds as though he might want to keep J for himself. Even if your boyfriend isn’t gay, sadly it sounds as though you are simply not his top priority. It isn’t easy as I know you love him but, unless he is prepared to talk about all this and to put you first, do you really want to stay in this relationship on those terms?