HOW TO GET THE MIND YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED

We know a positive attitude is the key to happiness, but how can we achieve it when those pesky negative thoughts won’t go away? Easy – just follow wellness guru Shereen Oberg’s nine-step plan

STEP 1 LEARN TO SEE NEGATIVITY FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS

We usually associate negative thoughts with feelings of anger and annoyance directed at something external to us: traffic, maybe, or noisy neighbours.

These, however, are not really negative thoughts but rather superficial irritations that mask the real issues. The negative thoughts we need to work on are the more subtle, deeply ingrained ones that we have about our own lives and how we perceive ourselves. These are the thoughts that can make us feel powerless and weak, or tell us that we are not good enough as we are.

The trouble begins in childhood. We are conditioned, from a very young age, to listen to and learn from adults, which helps keep us safe but also means we can inherit negative belief systems without even realising it. Traumas experienced by our parents, siblings and close family or friends are projected on to and absorbed by us.

These feelings of lack of self-worth, since we’re not consciously aware of them, build layer upon layer. It is only when we learn to peel away these layers of inherited beliefs – to identify those thoughts we have about ourselves and our lives that are not our own – that we can start to overcome them.

STEP 2

All thoughts – positive or negative – tend to fall into one of the following categories…

Thoughts about the past (recalling a person, situation, place, event or emotion).

Thoughts about the future (what we plan to do or what might happen).

Thoughts about ourselves (self-image and how we act).

Thoughts about others (how they compare to us, what they’ve done to us and think of us).

Thoughts as reactions (to what we see or experience).

Thoughts of creation (ideas and visions). Take a moment to categorise a few of your thoughts – writing brief notes can be helpful here. This ability to categorise will come in useful in step four.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ GET YOUR THOUGHTS IN ORDER STEP 3 RECOGNISE WHAT YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS IS REALLY UP TO

Unconscious negative thoughts commonly create a generalised feeling that you are lacking or failing in some way. Your conscious

mind tells you that you have everything you need – that you should be happy and content – yet still that unconscious negativity undermines the message: you need to work more, give more, eat less, exercise more, be a better partner…

The root of these subconscious thoughts may be that during your childhood you experienced a lack of love, attention, your parents’ time, self-worth… Or it could be that you inherited them from the adults around you in your formative years.

Whatever the cause of them, you have the power to change your subconscious thoughts by recognising them for what they are. The subconscious is like a storage unit in which we retain the accumulated thoughts of our life. Sometimes they can help us on our journey, but sometimes they need to be cleared away to make room for something more useful.

STEP 4 ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ DO SOME HOMEWORK

Once you have accepted that your subconscious mind is storing all manner of inherited negative thoughts, you can begin to shine a light on them – and transform them into positive ones.

Do the following practice throughout the day while you are active and also in the evening when you come to stillness, maybe before going to bed. Try to notice whether the thoughts are primarily in one category or whether they are spread out.

Set the intention to become more aware of your subconscious thoughts.

When a thought arises, and you are conscious of it, observe it and take notice of it. Maybe write it down and categorise it. You can write your thoughts down immediately to remember them or jot them down at the end of the day.

As you are writing down a thought, notice whether there is another underlying thought – maybe an even deeper, subconscious one – that is fuelling it.

Try to make this practice as natural as possible to really start mapping the different types of thoughts that arise, both conscious and subconscious.

Begin by mapping out your thoughts around five times a day (increase the frequency once you’re feeling more comfortable with the practice).

Then take this to the next level by figuring out where the thoughts are coming from and finding the root of when they started.

Now divide them into two different categories: empowering thoughts and disempowering thoughts.

Try to be aware of how your emotions and actions are affected and ruled by these subconscious thoughts.