I’VE BEGUN TO FEEL CONTEMPT FOR MY HUSBAND

OUR RELATIONSHIPS COUNSELLOR ANSWERS YOUR PROBLEMS

My partner and I have very different views on almost everything. We’ve been together for over 30 years and he is 15 years older than me. When we first met, I was in my 20s and a shy, anxious person. He seemed really knowledgeable and sophisticated. I felt as if I was learning so much from him. However, as my career has developed and our children have grown up, I see the world more through their eyes, and my husband’s views seem outdated. He is 73 now and has lots of arguments with our 30-year-old son, who works for a charity and is passionate about issues such as climate change and other

Qtopics that my husband dismisses as ‘woke nonsense’. They are barely speaking at the moment. Our daughter agrees with her brother but mostly stays silent to keep the peace. She says she can’t be bothered to argue since there is no changing him. I have now started to feel contempt for my husband and believe that our children are right – he is not a particularly nice person. I’ll be gritting my teeth through the Christmas season (our daughter is coming to stay, but our son is visiting his girlfriend’s parents). I don’t think that I want to be with him any more but how can I leave a 73-year-old man who is not in the best health?

I feel for you because this is A so difficult.it sounds as though you have been unhappy for many years and, now that your children are adults and more able to stand up to him, things have come to a head.you and your children are clearly very close, but your husband seems to think that only his opinions are valid and has made no effort to understand them or listen to their thoughts, even if he then still disagrees.sadly, he has not realised that this just alienates you, and it sounds as though you no longer love him.perhaps you were attracted to his confidence and self-assurance when you were struggling with the anxieties of being young, but that confidence now looks like boorishness and arrogance.of course it would be hard to leave him.however, you are only 58 and I suspect you feel trapped.if you stayed, you might end up resenting him, and that would make neither of you happy. Unfortunately, he would probably make it difficult for you if you decide to end your marriage as he is used to calling the shots – but this is his chance to change if he wants to keep you.as your

He is 15 years older than me and I now find his views outdated

This is his chance to change if he wants to keep you

children are supportive, start by having an open conversation with them and asking for their thoughts.i also strongly urge you to have counselling before making a decision.sometimes people regret ending their marriage, but people also regret not leaving sooner, so you need support to talk all this through.contact relate.org.uk or bacp.co.uk.