The Scottish Mail on Sunday - You
The new Mcdonald’s
I’ve just seen that Mcdonald’s has launched a spinoff. How depressing.
I think it’s exciting and so does everyone else.
Who does?
The people in the two-hour traffic tailbacks (for the US opening, earlier this month) thought it was worth it. As did the Brits who flew over.
British people flew to Mcdonald’s?
They did. ‘The second I found out... I had to get a flight here,’ said one Londoner. ‘This is like the new Starbucks.’
What is Mcdonald’s trying to achieve here?
It wants to help customers beat the ‘3pm slump’.
How thoughtful.
With Cosmc’s, a ‘new small-format, beverage-led concept’.
A coffee shop.
No, an offering ‘rooted in beverage exploration’.
Or rooted in the coffee-shop market being worth ‘$100 billion... with superior margins.’
Who said that?
So Mcdonald’s thinks that people will be drawn to buy coffee from a six-armed orange alien with a face modelled on Jar Jar Binks?
Actually, Cosmc’s came before Jar Jar Binks.
I bow to your superior knowledge of rubbish aliens.
He’s not rubbish – and he’s not just selling coffee.
What else?
Sweet drinks that you can customise. The Tiktok reviews (the brand already has 186.2 million views on the platform) are positive. drinks menu as ‘various permutations of caffeine, sugar and colours’.
Delicious.
It also suggested that the main point of the drinks was to ‘pop’ on Instagram.
Surely people don’t want to advertise their Mcdonald’s habit on social media.
You say that but a recent study (which analysed more than 26 million posts) found it to be the most popular Insta-location in the world with a score of 8.8 million.
Like I said, depressing.
Don’t worry, you’ve got a friend in Telegraph reader Jonathan Bryant, who responded to reports of the Cosmc’s opening with: ‘The only thing that won’t be full of sugar will be the napkins.’
I notice an X user has calculated there are 108 grams of sugar in a large berry drink. Equivalent to 25 teaspoons. Presumably, the UK will be awash with this stuff by summer.
No. Current plans are for modest expansion into Texas next year. ‘We’re talking about ten stores,’ said Kempczinski. ‘Let’s not get too excited.’
I’ll do my best.
That said, Mcdonald’s already feeds around one per cent of the
world’s population daily.
It looks like the orange alien will be landing in a grim retail park near you soon.
I wouldn’t let the people of Bolingbrook hear you say that.
The people of where?
It’s the village in Illinois (near Mcdonald’s Chicago HQ) where the first Cosmc’s has landed.
Ah, the world’s culinary hotspots: Paris, Florence… Bolingbrook.
Good point about Paris.
About it being a culinary hotspot?
No, about it being a great place for a Cosmc’s.
Are you mad? The French are fierce defenders of their cuisine. They’d hate it!
Really? They’ve got more Mcdonald’s than any other European country and earlier this month the first French branch of Krispy Kreme doughnuts opened.
Is nowhere safe from the march of Mcdonald’s?
You would probably be OK if you travelled to Cosmc’s home.
Bolingbrook?
No, outer space.
WORDS: ANNA PURSGLOVE