MY DAUGHTER’S BEHAVIOUR IS SO HURTFUL

OUR RELATIONSHIPS COUNSELLOR ANSWERS YOUR PROBLEMS

I have a difficult relationship with my younger daughter’s husband, who is coarse and rude. She doesn’t seem to notice because he has a lot of money but he is very common. I know I sound like a snob, though I don’t believe I am. Both our daughters and their families have come on holiday with us each year to the place we took them as girls. However, on recent trips, my daughter has refused to talk to me and turned her back when eating out. My other daughter has told me to ignore it, but it’s very hurtful. My husband and I visited our younger daughter on our own at Christmas because

Qthe other one was ill. Everything was fine until I made a joke about her being on meds, at which she stormed off to her bedroom. Her husband and teenage children said not to worry as it happens a lot. We were meant to stay for a couple of days, but the atmosphere was so tense we left after lunch. I was crying as I said my farewells and my grandchildren asked why we were going. My daughter didn’t even say goodbye. My son-in-law looked delighted. I haven’t heard from her but her sister says she is fine. I am sure her husband has manipulated her and I am sick with worry that I won’t see her or the grandchildren again.

Without knowing any of you, A it’s difficult to understand exactly where the problem lies. I suspect they probably do see you as snobbish, and there may be some truth in this. However, rudeness is never acceptable and your son-in-law does sound flashy. Perhaps you wouldn’t mind so much if he came from a different background or had different values but was kind and made your daughter happy. This isthenub.hasyourdaughter changed since meeting him or has your relationship with her always been difficult? Parents can have children who they love but with whom they don’t have much in common, and wouldn’t choose for company if they were not their child. Your daughter sounds quite materialistic and is maybe blind to her husband’s faults as she enjoys the lifestyle. She also sounds immature. However, making a joke about her being on meds was not a sensitive move. Try not to panic; I think this can be resolved, though sadly you might have to accept that you will never be as close to your daughter as you would like to be. It’s understandable that you

At Christmas she stormed off and didn’t even say goodbye

You might have to accept that you will never be close to her

want to help if she is unhappy, but at the moment, your relationship with her is not strong enough for you to be her support. I recommend counselling to explore how this situation arose and also for advice on how to build a stronger bond with her so that you can see your grandchildren. Try relate.org.uk or bacp.co.uk. Also contact the charity family-action.org.uk.