I DON’T WANT TO END MY AFFAIR

I am 62, my husband 77. Our life together is relatively peaceful but we haven’t had sex for about 15 years. He was never very physically affectionate and our sex life was gradually dwindling, but after a health scare and the death of his mother, it stopped. He wouldn’t discuss it and I threw myself into my work, our children and my hobbies. Then, two years ago, I met a wonderful man. We can’t

Qsee each other often but we have a strong emotional connection and it’s so nice to be held again. I confided in a friend as I had to tell someone. However, she was really disapproving, saying she was shocked because my husband is a good man. Now I feel guilty but I don’t want to end my affair.

People are so keen to judge, aren’t they? Your husband might well be a good man in

Asome respects but he has hurt you. This withdrawal of affection over many years has been devastating, leaving you feeling emotionally empty and undesired. His refusal to talk about it is unfair and I am not surprised that you have met someone else. Don’t feel guilty. Life is messy and complicated. One of the dangers with affairs, however, is that you might fall in love and it sounds as though this is happening. So while you don’t want to hurt your husband or leave him in his old age, sadly you will probably find it very painful going forward, as you won’t be able to be with this other man as often as you would like. (I imagine he has a wife or partner, too.) You might want to address this in counselling to help you find a way forward rather than relying on a judgy friend who I suspect might be a little jealous.