HE’S UNSURE WHETHER TO RETURN TO HIS EX

I’m a divorcée of five years and recently met a lovely man. Things were going well until he dropped the bombshell that his ex-wife was begging him to come back. He says he doesn’t love her – and that he loves me – but he finds it difficult during the week being away from his children, who are both under 12. He has told me they miss him being around, too, and that his ex isn’t coping well without

Qhim. He has asked if we can stop seeing each other for a few months while he decides. Should I give him time or walk away?

AThe hardest thing for divorced parents is only seeing their children part-time. It is the reason why people often stay in difficult marriages (at least until their kids have left home). However, if you agree to this arrangement, you will be in agony while he weighs things up. And even after the few months have gone by, he might well remain undecided. By saying she is not coping well without him, his ex is trying to make him responsible for her happiness. If they are truly no longer a couple, then that isn’t his role, while the flip side is that he is clearly kind in not wanting her to be unhappy. My concern is that his dilemma could go on for years, if you let it, so you need to talk to him about the pain it causes you. You could give him some time to decide; I suspect if he went back they might well split up again. However, without telling him, set your own deadline. If, for example, he is still caught up in the emotional turmoil of his ex’s life in six months, it is time for you to move on. Meanwhile, don’t stay at home and wait – go out, have a full social life and keep busy.