MY BROTHER’S OCD DESTROYING HIS LIFE

OUR RELATIONSHIPS COUNSELLOR ANSWERS YOUR PROBLEMS

I am becoming increasingly worried about my brother’s mental and physical health. He has always struggled with low mood and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), but since losing both our parents within the past few years, these problems are becoming worse. He was living at home when our mother became ill and nursed her through lung cancer. We are both in our early 50s and, while I have a lovely husband and daughter, he is still single and lives alone. I do try to be there for him as much as possible. He has only recently confided in me that he is really struggling. He says he now finds

Qit difficult to force himself to socialise and that it’s getting hard to face the day – he’s in a constant state of agitation and also drinks a lot, which I am sure exacerbates his problems. I’ve urged him to contact our GP, but he’s reluctant. He was put on medication in 2019 but said it wasn’t much help. I am so worried about him and I really don’t know which way to turn.

I’m sorry to hear this. It is so hard to watch someone you love struggle. I am glad to have the chance to highlight OCD, a much misunderstood condition, with sufferers often assumed to have only behavioural issues such as excessive tidiness or hand washing. But it’s often debilitating and can involve intrusive and negative thoughts. They might believe they’re not good enough

A(hence the social anxiety and withdrawal) or feel a sense of terrible foreboding. Sufferers may develop rituals to distract from their anxiety. Nursing your mum will have been incredibly upsetting for him and will have intensified these feelings. Unfortunately sufferers are often reluctant to seek help because of either a perceived sense of stigma or belief that they can’t be helped. Charity

OCD Action says it can take up to 12 years from symptoms starting to a sufferer seeking help. Yet it insists the condition can almost always be treated with therapy and medication, so please do contact them at ocdaction.org.uk for support. It is good that your brother has reached out to you, so build on this. His drinking does complicate matters and he’s likely to be more defensive about this issue, so do also contact Al-anon (for the families and friends of alcoholics) at al-anonuk.org.uk. As he’s reluctant to get professional help, it might be worth trying an app such as Reveri, which uses self-hypnosis for problems such

He is finding it harder to socialise and face the day

Nursing your mum will have intensified his anxiety

as anxiety, OCD and depression to bring him a little calm and the courage to get the help he needs. Meanwhile, in your longer letter, it sounds as though you have not had the time and space to grieve properly for your parents. So do also consider bereavement counselling for both of you (see cruse.org.uk or mariecurie.org.uk) and remember to nurture yourself and your marriage.