HIS REDUNDANCY IS COMING BETWEEN US

My husband and I are really struggling for money since he was made redundant. He is 59. Our children, who are in their early 20s, both still live at home. I am working part-time but my salary won’t cover all the bills. My husband and I are meant to be going on holiday with his sister and her husband (who are fairly wealthy) in the summer. Even though his sister has said that we don’t have to pay towards the

Qvilla, I don’t think we can afford to go. The flights won’t be cheap, and his sister and brother-in-law like expensive meals out. I keep arguing with my husband about it. I think he is too proud to tell his sister how up against it we are. She has always been the more successful one.

This is a minefield for you because it sounds as if your husband has always felt in the

Ashadow of his sister. It would be a shame to let it come between you, though, as you are both feeling stressed already. So tell your husband that you don’t want to argue any more – the two of you have enough to cope with without that – and say you want to find a way to discuss it calmly. Ask him gently if he feels that his sister will value him or love him less because his company has ended his employment, which could well be because of factors beyond his control. Tell him that you don’t think any the less of him, emphasise that he is much more than his work and that you are sure his sister will feel the same. Low self-esteem is common after redundancy – Mind (mind.org.uk) has advice on how to cope. You can also get free guidance on managing your finances at Money Helper moneyhelper.org.uk.