DEAR Y&YW

Deal­ing with dilem­mas? Panic not, we’re here to help

You and Your Wedding - - Contents -

Dress de­ci­sions

Iknow every bride has doubts about what she’s go­ing to wear, but I’m re­ally start­ing to re­gret my dress choice. I don’t want to wear it, but can’t af­ford an­other one ei­ther. Do you have any op­tions that might help? Mr­show­gate2b

Y&YW says Your wed­ding dress is prob­a­bly the most pho­tographed outfit of your life, so it’s im­por­tant you feel a mil­lion dol­lars in your gown. If your best friends haven’t seen your dress yet, maybe or­gan­ise a try­ing-on ses­sion, as their ex­cite­ment about the big re­veal may help to bring your en­thu­si­asm back. If that fails, have a think about what ex­actly you don’t like about your dress, as you may be able to get it al­tered or styled dif­fer­ently so you fall back in love with it once again. Don’t worry, you’ll look amaz­ing!

Name changer

Be­fore I got en­gaged to my fi­ancé, I al­ways said I wouldn’t change my name. How­ever, he is re­ally keen for me to take his sur­name. He’s al­ready said that he would com­pro­mise with me hav­ing a dou­ble­bar­relled sur­name, but he wouldn’t change his as well. We’re at a stale­mate now – what should we do? Har­riet08

Y&YW says Chang­ing your sur­name when you get mar­ried is a tra­di­tion – but just that. Many women opt to keep their own fam­ily name, or, like you’ve men­tioned, use both their own and their hus­band’s name. From what you say, it’s clear that this tra­di­tion means a lot to your fi­ancé, but it also sounds like he doesn’t un­der­stand how much of a big deal it is for you to change the name – and, to some ex­tent, the iden­tity – you’ve had for your en­tire life. It’s im­por­tant that he does. A rad­i­cal op­tion gain­ing in pop­u­lar­ity is for both part­ners to adopt a dif­fer­ent sur­name al­to­gether, even tak­ing let­ters from both sur­names to cre­ate a new one. Talk through the op­tions to come to a mu­tual so­lu­tion.

Mat­ter of opin­ion

M y part­ner’s fam­ily have been rather neg­a­tive about our wed­ding plans, say­ing that I’m go­ing over the top and forc­ing him to have a big cel­e­bra­tion. I feel like they’re all laugh­ing at us and it’s mak­ing me dread the big day. Please help! Bri­tish­bride

Y&YW says Re­mind your­self of the rea­son you’re get­ting mar­ried in the first place – you’ve found your soul­mate and you want to spend the rest of your life with him. But you need to tackle this is­sue to­gether. If you feel that he isn’t as aware of the neg­a­tiv­ity you’re feel­ing, you need to dis­cuss it. Do keep in mind that he prob­a­bly feels stuck in the mid­dle – but a united front is vi­tal. Don’t be afraid to have a word with his fam­ily mem­bers and make it clear they are caus­ing both of you un­nec­es­sary stress.

Date dilemma

Iwas orig­i­nally plan­ning on send­ing out my wed­ding in­vi­ta­tions around six months be­fore the big day, but my mother is wor­ried that peo­ple will for­get about the wed­ding if they are sent so far in ad­vance. Our wed­ding is hap­pen­ing on a Fri­day, so I just wanted to give peo­ple enough time to book a day off and make ar­range­ments. Also, our venue needs a min­i­mum of 100 guests or we have to pay ex­tra, so I want to en­sure that ev­ery­one RSVPS in good time. What should I do? Heidi

Y&YW says Your mother’s con­cern is jus­ti­fied – the last thing you need is peo­ple putting your in­vi­ta­tion to one side to re­spond later be­cause the date is so far in ad­vance. We rec­om­mend that in­vites are sent around three months be­fore the ac­tual wed­ding. Send­ing a save the date a year or so in ad­vance is a good way of flag­ging up w-day to your guests. It gives peo­ple time to sort out time off work, find­ing some­where to stay and or­gan­is­ing travel – and then your in­vi­ta­tion can ‘for­malise’ things later on.

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