We present both sides of the most controversial wedding topics
Does getting married change your friendships?
“WITH MY MARRIAGE LICENCE SEEMS TO HAVE COME THE ASSUMPTION THAT MY LIFE HAS CHANGED”
“NEWSFLASH: NOT ALL WOMEN SPEND THEIR TIME SEETHING ABOUT HOW OTHERS ARE MARRIED”
THIS ISSUE: Does getting married change your friendships?
“If you’d told me before I got married that my friendships would change, I would have laughed. Yet, in the months since tying the knot, I’ve noticed a shift. Not because I’ve become a smugmarried, forever referring to ‘we’ and greeting single friends’ birthdays with shock and worry that they have yet to meet someone. No, all that has changed is my marital status – that, and some of my unmarried friends’ reactions to it. It’s as if I’ve left a club of single women and lost all the camaraderie reinforced by every bad date and night out together. With my marriage licence seems to have come the assumption that my life has dramatically changed. My husband and I are treated like a symbiotic unit, more likely to forego clothes on leaving the house than HDFK RWKHU 0RUH EDIÁLQJ are the suggestions that I no longer have to bother with my career now I have a husband to ‘support me’ (which makes me wonder if some friends know me at all). If you think I’m being overly sensitive, there’s also a Whatsapp group that’s ‘strictly for singles’. This might say more about them than it does me or our friendships, but it came as a shock. While I don’t like it, I do begrudgingly understand it. ‘It’s all right for you, you’re married,’ my sister jokes, whenever I commiserate her over a bad date or an unanswered text. She has a point. While I like to think I was single for decades, I met my husband at 25. My share of abysmal dates pre-date Tinder, and no one really wants to hear about them when you’ve married someone, and will be toddling home to them after two drinks. As much as I hate to admit it, there’s no denying we’re at different life stages. Once, my friends would be my sole consideration. 1RZ , KDYH VRPHRQH HOVH ZKR KDV WR FRPH ÀUVW μ
“People say your priorities change when you get married – but I don’t think I’m a different SHUVRQ EHFDXVH ,·YH JRW D PDUULDJH FHUWLÀFDWH with my name scrawled messily on it (I’d had a lot of prosecco). I don’t think my friendships are any different because of it, either. I’ve read countless articles and blog posts about how single friends resent you when you get married, and how they struggle with the bitter envy of seeing you wed when they’re not. How patronising! 1HZVÁDVK QRW DOO ZRPHQ VSHQG WKHLU WLPH VHHWKLQJ DERXW how others are married or in love. Quite frankly (and I think I can speak for them), they’ve got better things to do! I work to keep my friendships the same as they were before I got married. I value the fact that I have those friendships LQ WKH ÀUVW SODFH 0\ PDUULDJH GRHVQ·W IXOÀO HYHU\ VLQJOH one of my needs. It would be crazy – and unhealthy – to imagine it could. From petty work dramas to grisly truecrime podcasts and Strictly, I talk about things with my friends that I have no interest in discussing with my husband – and he has no interest in discussing with me. We talk about ourselves, our anxieties, and our ambitions in ways that only people that have known each other for nearly 30 years can. I have a truly excellent relationship with my husband, but my relationships with my friends still represent half of what I am. Friendships can survive marriage, and they don’t have to change one jot. Granted, there may be fewer impromptu nights out, or house moves, but good friendships adapt – and you have plenty more things to talk about when you do get together. Friendships that do change would probably have dwindled RXW DQ\ZD\ ZKHWKHU \RX·YH JRW D ULQJ RQ \RXU ÀQJHU RU QRW μ
NO! LIZZIE POOK, WRITER AND EDITOR, SAYS:
YES! AMY LAVELLE, JOURNALIST, SAYS: