GRIEVING PET
Q My 13-year-old rescue dog, Phoebe, is grieving with us following the recent death of my other rescue dog, Billy. Billy and Phoebe had been together since they were both two years old.
Phoebe has reacted to Billy’s death in a totally different way to what we expected. My partner and I cannot go out without her howling or barking. She will not leave my side and wants to be with me all the time. When let out into the garden, she starts barking at imaginary things, or she stands at the front door and barks, even when we are there and there is no one at the door or anywhere near our drive.
I’ve tried everything to help her separation anxiety, going out for five minutes and gradually increasing the time, but within two minutes she is clearly distressed. We have a camera on while we are out just to see what she does; she simply paces up and down and is not happy at all. She has also suddenly started weeing in the house.
I have been heartbroken at losing Billy and I did wonder if she was picking up on that grief. I’m trying not to be upset when she is around.
I don’t know if getting another dog would help her, but I don’t want to stress her out any more. Your Dog reader, via email.
Tamsin says: I’m so sorry. I completely empathise with the distress experienced after losing such a beloved friend. Dogs certainly read our emotions and experience grief themselves for the loss of a constant companion. However, the behaviour change you describe in Phoebe might also arise from medical issues, especially as she’s older. Please have her examined by your vet so any coincidental medical problems can be treated. Your vet will also be able to refer you to an accredited behaviourist to help Phoebe feel differently about life without Billy, and the necessary changes in her routine and environment this will involve. They will be able to guide you through helping Phoebe feel secure within the home again.
While getting another dog right away might feel as though it would provide Phoebe with company and support, a new dog might also create anxiety and distress, which could affect the new dog too. It’s worth waiting until you and Phoebe are feeling better in yourselves, as it’s still very raw for you both.
It might be difficult for you, and dogs will respond individually, but leaving some things out that still smell of Billy might provide Phoebe with some support. Keeping to a daily routine will help her feel secure. Ensuring she has the opportunity to exercise, explore, sniff, and play will connect you as you both grieve.
● For your own benefit, please contact the Pet Bereavement Support Service whose trained volunteers are dedicated to helping owners deal with their loss https://www.bluecross.org.uk/petbereavement-and-pet-loss