Sharing the love
Could sharing a family horse be the perfect way to enjoy horse ownership?
WHETHER THROUGH DESIRE or necessity, the mother-daughter share is a rising phenomenon. In many ways, it makes sense for the family equine to be a versatile type who everyone can enjoy. And what a nice idea it is, for mother and daughter to spend time together and bond over a shared love of horses.
But horses being horses, and daughters being daughters, can it really work or is it just a way of getting another horse into the family under the husband’s radar? And come to think of it, why do you never see ‘father-daughter’ shares advertised? Many sons ride, too!
These last questions are another matter entirely. But for the rest, Julia Martin from Kings Hill Equestrian in West Sussex has some solid advice after more than 30 years’ experience of selling all types of horses to all sort of people.
“I have sold hundreds of motherdaughter shares over the years, and my biggest concern is that these clients are often trying to make a round peg fit a square hole,” she says.
“The requirements of mother and daughter can be so different in terms of age, shape, size, ambitions and ability, it is just too much of a compromise, and the right horse simply doesn’t exist for them. Neither party is going to be totally happy, far less the horse.”
As professionals whose job it is to make a suitable match — including offering a seven-day trial or even the option to return the horse — reputable dealers such as Julia also put themselves at risk by taking a ‘one size fits all’ approach.
“Too often, the driving factor behind getting a mother-daughter share seems to be to save money, or to sneak a horse past the husband, and this is not a good starting point,” adds Julia. “Especially as you should actually be prepared to pay more for a truly suitable mother-daughter share, not less, as the horse needs to have been very carefully and thoroughly produced to ensure the foundations are solid enough to withstand any potential difference in rider style, competence and confidence. That necessary mix of ability, quality, versatility and temperament comes at a price.
“However, there are times it can
“Sharing a horse with my daughter has
brought us closer together over the years”
Louise Thomas
work well — for example, where there’s a competent teen daughter, possibly busy with exams but still enjoying competing at weekends, and a knowledgeable mother who isn’t so interested in competing any more but enjoys doing the training and fitness work during the week.
“What does not work well in my experience is where younger children are involved — say eight years old or less — whose mother wants them to have a pony,” says Julia. “They tend to end up with something that suits neither party as the child needs a bombproof 12.2hh and the mother wants a 15.2hh all-rounder. I’d say wait, don’t jump the gun. What you are hoping for at this stage is unrealistic.”
Maternal self-sacrifice
Julia is firmly in favour of ditching maternal self-sacrifice and getting something to suit the grown-up.
“Sometimes you’re actually putting pressure on the child when you go out and buy them a pony to live up to,” she says. “Buy something for the mother which has good manners and a quiet enough temperament for the child to handle around the stables, or even sit on from time to time — then send the child to a riding school or get a suitable companion pony on loan until it becomes clear what their ability and interests are going to be,” she says.
“And accept that finding the ‘horse of a lifetime/one size fits all’ is unlikely in this scenario. In years to come, whatever you buy now will probably be outgrown or become less than ideal for any number of good reasons, and will need to be sold on. There is nothing wrong with this.”
Kings Hill Equestrian is one of several reputable dealers offering part exchange and also acts as an agent for private sales. This means selling on an outgrown or otherwise blameless but sadly unsuitable horse need not cause the emotional pain you think. Indeed, it is often exactly the right decision for the welfare of the horse as well as the confidence and happiness of the rider, reasons Julia.
“When people are horse-hunting with stars in their eyes, considering the resale value and planning what they might do to move a horse on in future is not always a popular view. But it is a very valid and realistic one,” she says.
It’s worked well for Janet Thomas in Cheshire, who has bought several horses to share and bring on with her daughters
Kate, Emma and Alice over the years, always with the understanding that the horses would ultimately be for sale to a good home as the girls outgrew them.
“It was partly down to money, but it’s also just common sense,” says Janet. “Of course, we’re incredibly fond of our horses, but once they have been outgrown or proved they have talents in other areas, it’s a real pleasure to see them out and about with new owners who are better suited to their needs. I feel we are doing the horse a favour, as well as being responsible and realistic about ownership.
“We always stay in touch with the new owners and the girls love seeing how their projects are getting on. If we find a horse who really fits the bill for everybody, we keep him in the family for as long as there is someone to enjoy him, and there have been a couple of those over the years.”
Joanna Rochfort is an experienced rider who faced the unenviable task of finding a family pony for herself and her novice seven-year-old daughter, Charley.
“We did originally have a great little 12.2hh child’s pony on loan, but ponies are not machines and following a couple of nasty falls my daughter lost her confidence,” says Joanna.
“The loan pony sat in the field for way more time than is healthy for a laminitis-prone native, and I found myself contemplating our next moves. I didn’t want Charley to stop riding on such a negative note, but neither did I want to pressurise her into riding just because there was a pony sat there. Meanwhile, having ridden and owned horses until I had my daughter, I was desperate to get back in the saddle.”
‘I questioned myself’
The definition of mother-daughter share can look quite different, depending on the age of the child and, for Joanna, it was a particularly tall order.
“It did take a long time and I drove a lot of miles to find the right horse,” she admits. “Throughout the search I questioned myself. For instance, if I saw a horse I loved, but knew deep down was too much for my daughter, I would try to justify it with phrases like ‘it’s me whose the one who really wants to be riding’ and ‘she’d be OK on a 14hh just hacking on the lead rein. Ultimately, it came down to the fact that I didn’t want to take the opportunity of riding away from Charley, but neither did I want her to have a pony so large that even being on the ground with it would be a concern.”
A solution was found with a 13.2hh seven-year-old cob called Woody.
“He was green, but there was something about him and his temperament that made me feel he was the one. I’d also had a few near misses with dishonest sellers, and so the fact that Woody’s
“It did take a long time
and I drove a lot of miles to find a horse”
Joanna Rochfort