A reason to live
How horses can be a lifeline when it comes to mental health
KERRI AMOS* WAS walking her usual route from the office to London Waterloo when she considered throwing herself in front of a red double decker bus. She didn’t, but the thought was there. The 25-year-old had travelled to the capital three months earlier to start the job in TV production that she’d always dreamed of, but she was dreadfully lonely, homesick — and the self-confessed “country bumpkin” missed her horses.
“Looking back, I was depressed,” says Kerri. “I don’t think I would actually have done it, but it was the first suicidal thought I’d ever had and it was a red flag. Luckily, I had the presence of mind to tell myself not to be so silly, because I had seven horses at home on the farm depending on me.”
Kerri lived and worked in London on weekdays, returning to the south-west on a Friday evening to spend the weekend with her horses, a mix of eventers, pointers and retirees.
“I didn’t have any friends or family in London, so when I wasn’t at work I was by myself — I didn’t even click with or socialise with any colleagues. It’s a busy city so being lonely doesn’t make sense, but actually if you’re not an outgoing person — and I’m not — it doesn’t make a difference. After a life centred around my horses, joining a club or a gym or even trying a new hobby — which would have given me something positive to focus on — weren’t on my radar.
“I remember thinking that if I stepped in front of that bus no-one would notice or even care. Of course, that’s not true, but in the moment, that’s the trail of thought my brain was going down.”
Lifting the black cloud
Kerri says it was her horses that lifted that black cloud.
“They were, and still are, my whole life. Without my salary and dedication, I couldn’t keep them. I was lucky to have supportive parents at home who made it possible for me to pursue the career I’d dreamed of. London wasn’t part of the dream, but as I was just starting out in the industry I had to go there and find a way to make it work.”
She continued to work in London for 10 years. A better office/home balance — four days in the city and Fridays at home — and a cousin joining her in a Wimbledon house share meant there were no more suicidal thoughts.
“I can still remember that walk and that moment now, and I hope not to sink into that depression again. Now when I’m down I recognise it earlier, but riding and caring for my horses keep me healthy. Even when it’s cold and raining, when I’m on the yard, I’m happy,” adds Kerri. “I’m now a fully remote worker and I look back at my London stint as a vital stepping stone to getting to where I wanted to be. Subconsciously, I think I knew that back then and that’s why I didn’t give up, but it was hard.”
An all-time low
Kerri isn’t the only one. According to the mental healthy charity Mind, one in
four people will experience a mental health problem each year in England; one in six people report feelings such as anxiety and depression every week, one in 14 self-harm and one in five people have suicidal thoughts, with one in 15 people attempting suicide. Mental health concerns can take many forms and vary in their extremity, and a person’s diagnosis may change several times in their lifetime. There are various triggers: trauma, family breakdowns, work pressures and social media to name just a few, and it can affect all people of any age.
These are national statistics, but similar trends are present in equestrian. Top-level event rider Matthew Wright, who died earlier this year, founded Riders Minds in 2019 and was always very open and honest about his battle with depression. He recognised that other riders — full-time professionals and hobby/amateur riders alike — need help (see box, below right).
This year’s Great Horses for Health Fundraising Relay is also making great progress to raise awareness of how horses can help a person’s mental health and wellbeing. It kicked off in Yorkshire in May and covers the UK, finishing at Land’s End in October.
One rider taking part is Kathryn Jayne who, in 2011, was in a dark place. Her marriage had broken down, she had lost friends and her children had grown up and moved away. She was alone and her mental health was at an all-time low.
Then Stanley came along. Upon visiting a local fair, she spotted the five-year-old in a group of ponies being used to race up and down the roads.
“It was love at first sight,” says Kathryn, who was able to negotiate his purchase with the owner.
‘A very dark place’
Shockingly, Stanley was hit by a car while out hacking in April 2017. He was thrown onto the roof and Kathryn onto the road.
It had taken her two years to retrain Stanley and, despite his difficult start in life, he had a lovely nature and wanted to please. They enjoyed jumping together. “I adored him. I finally had my life back on track: I helped him, and he was helping me,” adds Kathryn.
In the aftermath of the collision, Stanley couldn’t walk and was physically lifted onto a horsebox. Veterinary examination found internal injuries, a fractured fetlock and damage to his hindquarters. His prognosis was not good.
“Losing Stan was not an option. He had lifted me from a very dark place in my life, he helped me recover and now it was my turn to help him,” says Kathryn.
Stanley’s recovery involved 12 months of box rest. Kathryn herself had a year of counselling to get over the accident — she was riddled with guilt. The following summer, she got back on.
“I was a nervous wreck but Stanley was calm as ever, giving me confidence.”
That is why Kathryn joined the Great Horses For Health Relay. Raising money for mental health and horse charities, and its road safety aspect, resonated with her.
A traumatic fall
Val Fisher’s depression was triggered by a traumatic fall from a horse who reared and landed on top of her. She suffered a high-level spinal cord injury and was paralysed from the chest down.
“Life became a blur of hospitals,” says a statement. “Life support and the hospital room ceiling was her world.”
The postmistress and mum-of-four, who started riding aged four and was well-known in the local community, suddenly couldn’t face other people. One thing kept her going: thoughts of seeing her beloved 14.2hh skewbald, Mr Warpaint. He was Val’s “safe place” — she didn’t feel judged and faces were familiar. She spent hours with Mr Warpaint and her mental health improved.
A friend mentioned she had a retired showjumper, Vinnie, available and with encouragement from the horse’s owner, Deena Webster, Val’s journey into para dressage began. She went on to represent Britain at Bishop Burton and also competed at Hickstead.
“I remember thinking that if I stepped in front of that bus no-one would care”
Val has since become interested in wheelchair tennis and started carriage driving Ronnie, a Welsh section C owned by Julie Wedgbury. She has also been given an assistance dog called Sadie by national charity Canine Partners, whose company helped her in lockdown. The Horses For Health Relay reignited her love of horses.
The Riding for the Disabled Association is one of the beneficiaries of funds raised in the relay. The charity works with horses to benefit the lives of some 25,000 disabled children and adults in the UK. Its research suggests that 68% of participants improve their communication, 76% experience more enjoyment, 77% show greater confidence, 76% experience physical improvement and 82% improve their ability to build relationships.
It doesn’t matter who you are, being with a horse — whether you own one or ride every now and then — really is good for the soul. In the words of Winston Churchill: “There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.”