‘I just take one day at a time’
The first time Brenda Richardson noticed something strange about her husband Pete’s behaviour, was one day when he was driving. “Pete had worked on the railways and as a postman and was used to being out and about. One day in the car on a familiar route, he suddenly asked me which way to go next,” says Brenda. “That really frightened me; I knew something was wrong. My father had dementia and I cared for him for many years so I knew some of the signs and I suspected that Pete had dementia too.” She gently raised the subject with Pete but he refused to accept that he had a problem and wouldn’t see his doctor, nor would he agree to Brenda telling the doctor about her fears. So when they went to the doctor together, she took the opportunity to tell their GP about her worries. “I knew Pete would be cross but I braced myself and knew I had to do it to get him help,” she says. Sadly, tests revealed that Pete had Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. That was two years ago and today, Brenda and Pete are both living with the condition. “It’s a horrible illness; no one knows what it’s like to live with it unless they’ve been there,” says Brenda, who is now Pete’s carer. “It’s hard for Pete and it’s hard for me too. I just cope in the best way I can.” Pete often becomes agitated and angry in the evenings and starts searching for his keys. He’s recently been having hallucinations and gets stressed, so Brenda does her best to calm him down. He worries that he keeps Brenda awake at night so often watches TV while she has some well-earned sleep then he goes to bed in the early hours of the morning. Brenda gets up at 5.30am to do the washing and some jobs before Pete gets up. “There are often times when things get too much and I have a few tears,” she says. “I try not to let Pete see. We’ve had a tough time in the last few years; Pete was diagnosed with dementia, my daughter-in-law, Noreen, died from cancer aged 44, then our son, Noreen’s husband, got cancer, and I lost my mum aged 101. “Life is completely different for Pete and I now, but we get through mostly by laughing when things do go wrong. “You just have to live with dementia and take one day at a time.”