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Teaching assistant Jacquie Smith is her mum’s main carer, but she can’t pop in for a cup of tea or a chat because Jacquie lives an hour’s drive away from her mum. The distance between them doesn’t stop Jacquie worrying about her though, in fact she worries even more because she’s not able to call in on a daily basis. Sadly, Jacquie’s mum, Gillian (86) and her husband, Brian (85) were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last summer, so they both need support. They married three years ago, both having been widowed. Doctors told Jacquie it was unusual for both partners to be diagnosed with dementia at the same time, as one partner usually takes on the role of the carer. None of their families lives nearby and, as Jackie (59) lives nearest, she is the person her mum turns to when she needs help. Jacquie is one of the many people who are supporting a loved one from a distance. “I just wish I lived near enough to be able to pop in on my way home from work to make sure everything is OK. It’s hard being patient when trying to help Mum on the phone,” says Jacquie. She first noticed her mum was having problems at Christmas 2015, when she didn’t write any cards. Then she started forgetting family birthdays. “It wasn’t like Mum at all,” says Jacquie. “She’d always written cards and thank-you letters, so I knew something wrong.” At about the same time, Brian’s family noticed he was having memory problems and it was then that the couple were both diagnosed with dementia. Jacquie does her best to help her mum and Brian live an independent life, but often feels guilty that she can’t be there in a crisis. Jacquie visits every fortnight and tries to make GP or hospital appointments on those days. But it’s the nightly phone call which often leaves Jacquie feeling stressed. “Mum loses things all the time and it’s really hard trying to help her find whatever she’s lost by phone,” she says. “She has a diary, and this year I filled in all the family birthdays and important dates and appointments. The next time I went, Mum was using last year’s diary, so I’ve taken that away now. “Mum insists she’s OK and that she doesn’t need any help, but I know she does and I worry about her.” Jacquie clears her mind every morning by going for a 5am jog with her dog. “I never would have thought that caring from a distance could be as hard as this. I just take each day as it comes.”