How can I help?
Get to the bottom of his feelings with Dr Winwood’s simple steps
1 TRY TALKING, BUT DON’T FORCE IT.
“Follow his lead. If he’s receptive and willing to speak frankly about how he’s feeling, listen and reassure him that he’s not alone,” says Dr Winwood. On a bad day he might act frustrated and defensive; this may be hurtful, but try not to take it to heart. Don’t push him, because you may end up having an argument and making things worse. Instead, give him space and be there when he’s ready to talk.
2 DON’T BLAME HIM.
Mental illness isn’t anyone’s fault and your partner might be confused and angry that they feel this way too – or he might be completely unaware that his behaviour has changed. “If you try to raise the topic with him, make it clear that you don’t hold him responsible for his mood or behaviour and that you want to help make him feel better.
3 WORK OUT POSITIVE CHANGES TOGETHER.
It may be that your partner’s low mood has been brought on by a specific event or recurs with a particular trigger. If possible, sit down with him and try to work out how you can tackle the situation together.
4 REASSURE HIM HE’S NOT ALONE.
Although living with someone experiencing a mental health problem can be draining and frustrating, increasing their feelings of isolation won’t help. Remind him that you love him and that you are willing and happy to help. It may give him the support he needs to start taking some positive steps.
5 ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU MAY NOT ALWAYS UNDERSTAND HOW HE’S FEELING.
Likening what he’s experiencing with a time you felt down yourself might make it seem like you’re trivialising his feelings and might make him shut down. It’s better to just try to listen to him instead.
6 POINT HIM IN THE DIRECTION OF HELP.
If possible, broach the possibility of visiting a GP or mental health professional. Guiding him in the right direction could be the push that he needs to accept his feelings and seek professional help. Charities such as Mind (call 0300 123 3393) and Samaritans (call free on 116 123) also have hotlines so your partner can confide to an impartial ear.