‘I always make the best of life’
Brenda Fearon has spent her life caring for other people as a nurse, daughter and mother and now she wants to encourage people to look after themselves – whatever their situation.
Brenda believes that it’s up to everyone to enjoy life as much as they can and for her, that means getting out on her allotment to keep fit, both mentally and physically.
“Being on my allotment is a great stress reliever,” she says. “When I’m digging, I’m not thinking about anything else. It’s peaceful and quiet and keeps me fit. It has been a lifeline,” says Brenda (74). “My arthritis is also much better and I’d encourage others, especially former carers, to get out in the fresh air and keep fit.”
Brenda’s caring role began at 26 when she was abandoned by her husband while pregnant with her second child.
“I truly thought my life had ended,” says Brenda. “I’d like to highlight the fact that being divorced is much like bereavement, except that the other person is still alive. You also don’t get the sympathy people get when they’ve lost a loved one; I thought I’d never stop crying.”
Eventually, when her youngest child was two, Brenda got a job in a maternity unit and realised immediately that she wanted to become a midwife.
After completing her training, Brenda fulfilled her dream and eventually went on to hold a senior role as head of midwifery training.
Her other experience of caring came through her late father, who was severely depressed all his life.
“Dad went down the pit to be a miner at 13 and he became badly depressed. He worked in the mines for 50 years and it had a huge impact on his life. Caring for my dad with depression has made me more alert to other people’s needs.
“Watching him struggle with his mental health also taught me that it was up to me to make the best of life. You have to look after yourself. It was hard being a divorced, single mum 50 years ago and I was depressed, but I was determined to do the best I could for myself.”
Brenda retired 11 years ago and today she keeps busy with the University of the Third Age (U3A).
“We have many members of the U3A who have been recently widowed and it’s a great place to make friends,” she says.
“Whether you are widowed, divorced or you’ve never been married, you can take charge of your own life. It’s hard for former carers to pick up the pieces of their lives. Sitting at home feeling miserable is not an option. I’m never happier than when I’m out on my allotment.”
■ There are University of the Third Age (U3A) branches all over the country offering thousands of different activities. To find a U3A branch near you, visit www.u3a.org.uk
■ If you are widowed, divorced or single, you will receive a warm welcome in the Yours Forget Me Not or Carers in Touch groups. Find out how to join on page 107
‘When I’m outside digging, I’m not thinking about anything else. It’s peaceful and quiet and keeps me fit’