Laughter is the best medicine…
When Tracy Cleaver’s parents both needed care, she didn’t hesitate to put their needs before her own, but now hers come first
For two years, Tracy Cleaver juggled a high-profile job in social care with being a wife, a grandmother and her parents’ carer.
But eventually Tracy reached burn-out stage and she took the biggest decision of her life – to leave work after 32 years to concentrate on family life and caring.
Today Tracy (48) has turned her life around, with her main priority being to look after herself.
“If you don’t look after yourself, you can’t look after anyone else,” she says.
Tracy admits that when she took voluntary redundancy, she didn’t know where life would lead her.
“I was lost at first. My world had turned upside down because I had no structure to my life,” she says. “I didn’t just want to be a full-time carer, I wanted to be able to spend more quality time with my parents.”
Tracy’s mum, Norma, (75), has had frontal lobe dementia for three years. She lives independently, but Tracy visits every day and is
officially classed as her mum’s personal assistant. Her dad,
Ron (78), had a stroke in 2005 and Norma cared for him until she developed dementia. Ron is now in a nursing home but, as Tracy says, “Just because Dad’s in care, my caring role hasn’t ended. I have to be on the ball to make sure he’s getting the best care he deserves.”
Tracy admits that she reached the end of her tether by trying to be all things to all her family. “Something had to give and it was my health,” she says. “I’ve taken a lot of courses to help boost my confidence and I’m still having counselling.”
Now that she isn’t working, she’s able to support other carers by passing on her experiences.
“It’s really tough living through the ups and downs of working and caring.”
She’s also trained as a laughter leader and plans to teach laughter yoga, which can help people with dementia. Now Tracy plans to launch ‘Laughternoon Tea’ sessions, which she hopes will encourage people to relax and to share a joke.
“I’ve very often found that if I didn’t laugh, I’d cry. Laughter is the best medicine. Giving up work was massive for me, but I’ve turned a challenging time into a positive time and I’d like to encourage others to do the same. You simply can’t do everything. It’s not all been plain sailing; I burned myself out and my batteries needed recharging, but being a carer has definitely made me a better person.
“I’m closer to my mum now and we have more quality time together, but I always put my own needs first.”