Short story

Despite his careful planning, Ben fails to impress hoity-toity Tania

The further Ben drove out of town, the more restless Tania became. Peering into the darkness, she asked: “Where are we going exactly?”

“The Bull at Clayton,” Ben said. “It’s got oak beams and proper log fires.”

“The Bull? That’s in the middle of nowhere. I thought we were going to a nice restaurant. I’m wearing a dress, for goodness’ sake!”

The last sentence puzzled Ben. What had her dress got to do with it? “Um, yes. You look lovely,” he ventured cautiously.

Tania sighed heavily.

When they reached

The Bull, Tania stepped out of the car and picked her way gingerly across the car park in her high heels, carefully avoiding the puddles.

So far the evening had been every bit as awful as Ben had imagined it would be, but as they entered the bustling warmth of the pub he hoped things would improve. A pleasant atmosphere and a nice meal might cheer her up. Heads turned as Tania sashayed across the room, looking rather like a bird of paradise that has wandered into a hen coop.

When they were shown to their table, Ben said encouragingly: “I’ve been here a few times and the food is always great. Nothing fancy, but you can’t beat good pub grub, don’t you think?”

Tania responded with a glacial stare that said, ‘Do I look like someone who enjoys tucking into pub grub?’

Once seated in their secluded alcove, she looked round for a menu. “Oh no, don’t tell me it’s one of those places where you have to read the specials from a board as though you were at the optician’s?”

No sooner had she spoken than a waitress appeared at their table. Her short spiky haircut reminded Ben of a pixie. He thought she had a slightly mischievous air although her expression was suitably professional.

“Hello, I’m Izzy and I’ll be looking after you tonight,” she said brightly. “Our specials are up on the board. The chef’s vegetarian dish of the day is a

‘Cringing with embarrassment, Ben prayed the girl hadn’t overheard the catty remark’

broccoli bake and the soup is curried parsnip. Now, can I get you some drinks from the bar while you decide?”

Tania raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow as though to say, ‘I told you so’. Ben hastily thanked the waitress and ordered a bottle of the best red wine he could afford.

“With ears like hers I definitely wouldn’t have that hairstyle,” Tania commented as the waitress departed. Ben cringed with embarrassment, praying the girl hadn’t overheard the catty remark.

Squinting at the blackboard, Tania went on: “Now, what shall I have? Something with chips or chips with something?”

She seemed determined to make the evening as awkward as possible. If only he had drawn one of the other girls from the office – any of them would have been better company than ‘get over yourself’ Tania. While he was desperately wishing he was somewhere else, his date summoned the waitress.

“Are the vegetables fresh or frozen?”

she demanded.

“All our vegetables are fresh and locally sourced whenever possible,” Izzy said.

“So that’s a no, then. And the salad – it’s not just a limp lettuce leaf and two slices of tomato, I hope?”

In Izzy’s place Ben would have been gritting his teeth, but the waitress just smiled and said she would make sure that Tania had extra salad with her dish. He couldn’t help thinking how different the two women were, compared with Tania’s cool beauty, Izzy glowed with warmth and good humour.

While they were waiting for their food to arrive, Ben struggled to think of something to say. He knew that whatever topic of conversation he

‘In Izzy’s place Ben would have been gritting his teeth, but the waitress just smiled’

came up with, it would be rebuffed. Tania was clearly not in the mood for small talk.

At the end of what seemed like an endless meal, it was obvious that neither of them wished to prolong it any further by ordering a dessert. As Ben took his wallet out, ready to pay, Tania stopped him. “Don’t be silly! We aren’t paying – the food was awful. Watch this. Waitress!”

Izzy hurried over, beaming helpfully. ‘Like a lamb to the slaughter’, Ben thought.

“Would you like your bill now?” she asked.

“No, we wouldn’t, actually. The food was very disappointing, even the chips were soggy. I hope you don’t expect us to pay for it.”

Izzy’s smile faded. “Oh, I’m so sorry you didn’t enjoy it. I’ll ask the manager if we can reduce your bill.”

“That won’t do. We won’t be paying and I’d like a free dessert and coffee as a gesture of good will.”

With this parting shot, Tania marched off to the Ladies, leaving Ben to stammer out an apology.

“It’s alright,” Izzy reassured him. “This happens sometimes. People seem determined not to enjoy the meal, whatever we do.”

“Well, thank you, anyway.”

Izzy grinned: “No worries. I’ll go and sort out those desserts for you.”

She soon returned with two servings of Death by Chocolate. “There you go. Is your friend still in the cloakroom?”

“Cruella de Vil? Yes, probably still powdering her nose and fixing her lipstick,” Ben replied disconsolately.

Izzy said: “You know what always strikes me as odd? People who complain about the food then insist on having more food to compensate! How illogical is that?”

A voice behind her said: “Illogical, am I? Well, Mr Spock’s sister, I’d like to have a word with your manager about that.”

Ben stood up: “No! We won’t be bothering the manager. Izzy, please call a cab for my colleague here and then I will settle up with you.”

With his hand under her elbow, Ben steered Tania firmly to the entrance. As they waited in stony silence for the taxi to arrive, she said: “You let people walk all over you, you know. If you go back in there and meekly pay the bill, I’ll never speak to you again.”

“That suits me,” Ben replied. “Here is the money for your fare back to town. Now, if you’ll excuse me I don’t think I’m serving any purpose here, so I’ll leave you to it.”

Before Tania had a chance to object, Ben strode back inside. There was an important conversation he needed to have. After all, it isn’t every day that a Star Trek fan gets to meet Mr Spock’s sister.