‘A 60-year quest mended my broken heart’
After losing her husband, Issy Carr found the family she never knew she had…
When Issy Carr thinks about her family, she no longer is saddened by thoughts of her son. For after decades of wondering, she now knows where he is and how he is doing.
She even gets regular updates from her granddaughter about the great-grandchildren she never dreamed she’d have. And she’s looking forward to meeting her son, Keith, for the first time since the day of his birth.
When Issy (now 87) fell pregnant aged 20, she was living at home with her parents on their farm and the thought of telling them she was having a baby terrified her. She says, “For weeks I was putting on weight but although I knew what was happening, I tried to ignore it.
“When I started showing, I knew it wasn’t going to be a secret much longer.”
Sadly, when Issy told her mother she thought she was pregnant, she wasn’t met with support. Her mother told her to get out of her sight and Issy was forced to do hard labour around the farm. Issy couldn’t leave the farm, and she knew her parents wouldn’t let her keep the baby.
As she drew nearer her due date, Issy was sent to a motherand-baby home to give birth. After going through an eight-hour labour and giving birth to her son, she realised that giving him up was going to be devastating.
She says, “I asked the midwife if I could see him and hold him, but she said my mum had told them I wasn’t allowed to do that. I was heartbroken.”
Issy’s son was named George on his birth certificate and although she was recorded as his mother, she was never able to hold, feed or dress him. She returned to her parents’ farm empty-handed and heartbroken. Her parents told her she would soon forget the baby she’d given birth to, but she never did.
Then Issy met someone special. “John ran another farm in the area and was the kindest, wisest man I’d ever met. We fell in love and after we married, I told him about what happened.”
John was horrified that Issy had had to give the baby up and offered to raise him as his own. But although the couple tried to track down Issy’s son, by contacting social services, they drew a blank. “When we spoke to social services, they explained they couldn’t help because the child has to search for the parent.”
Issy could only hope that her son would want to meet her one day. As the years passed, although John and Issy had no children, they were very happy together and Issy was devastated when John died after 30 years of marriage. And her new loss brought back memories of the earlier loss of her son.
Issy says, “My heart still ached for George and after talking to
‘I told Keith that I’d never wanted to give him up’
my goddaughter Pauline about him, she tried to track him down, but without luck.”
Then Issy learnt about DNA websites, which would enable her to search for her family. She says, “I didn’t have a computer but my friend Janet sent away for a kit for me. By now 60 years had passed, so I didn’t think we would find him.”
It took a year, but she finally had some exciting news when she learned she’d been matched with a woman in Australia. DNA comparisons showed the woman could be Issy’s granddaughter. Her name was Kym and she was looking for her father.
Issy realised she must be looking for the same man and that Kym’s father was Issy’s son. And when Kym sent photos of herself to Issy, she recognised family similarities within their faces. Another DNA test showed that the pair were a 97 per cent match, meaning there was no doubt that Kym was Issy’s granddaughter.
They spoke for the first time over a video call. Issy says, “I was so nervous, but we connected instantly. “Kym said, ‘Hello, Grandma Issy from England’ and told me that she was married with two children and a step-son.”
It meant Issy was not only a grandmother, but a greatgrandmother too. She realised the pair had much in common, including both owning cats called Bonny.
She says, “Kym was shocked when I told her my story. She hadn’t realised her dad had been adopted. I learned that his adoptive family had named him
Keith and then moved to Australia when he was young.”
Kym had only recently started looking for her biological dad, who her mum had split with before she was born, and she suggested that she and Issy try to find him together.
Issy says, “Kym followed every lead to track him down. The day she found his address, she drove to his house and when he opened the door, she told him she thought he was her father.”
George, now named Keith, had been delighted to meet Kym and hear he was a grandfather, then Kym told him that Issy had been looking for him for decades.
Issy says, “Kym told me he was shocked to hear my story and he’d always wondered about the circumstances of his adoption. Kym arranged a video call between the three of us and when I saw his face, after 60 years, I felt so emotional, especially when he called me ‘Mum’.
“Through tears I told Keith that I’d never wanted to give him up.”
Now Issy, Keith and Kym are in regular contact and for Keith’s birthday recently, Issy was able to send him a birthday card and sing ‘happy birthday’ to him down the phone for the first time in both their lives.
The three are now arranging for Keith and Kym to visit Issy at her home in North Yorkshire.
Issy says, “I can’t wait to meet them both in person. I’m so thrilled to have found him – and the family I never knew I had.”