Daughter mistreats mother

DEAR ABBY: I recently traveled to Germany to help my 19-yearold daughter settle in for her semester of study abroad. I was in tears the entire trip home, not because I was sad to leave her, but because she kept lashing out at me for anything from using a cotton swab to following proper directions exiting the train, to asking simple — but, in her mind, ridiculous — questions. This is not new behavior. Her brother has also observed her overreactive behavior to minor things.

I treated her and her roommate to dinners out and stocked her apartment with groceries, in addition to making significant financial contributions toward her tuition. I’m also splitting the cost of her monthly rent with her dad. I feel hurt, like she regards me as only an ATM. She wouldn’t even let me use her European electrical adapter to charge my phone before leaving for the airport.should I convey how hurt I feel and, if so, what are your suggestions?

— Unappreciated in Vermont

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: You should have put a stop to it when she first started “overreacting” with rude, insensitive and ungrateful behavior. By all means write her a letter, and when you do, tell her she behaved shamefully, it was hurtful, and that you will no longer tolerate it. Be sure she understands she will not get another penny until you receive an apology and assurances that you won’t be subjected to that kind of abuse again. Continue practicing tough love until you see real changes in your daughter’s attitude.