Must givers be thanked for donations?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister regularly gives a donation to a charity in my kids’ names in lieu of a gift for birthdays and Christmas. Usually they thank her, but last time they didn’t, and she was upset.

Do you think a thank-you is required in this instance? She picks the charity. Not that this should matter, but these are college kids who don’t have much money.

GENTLE READER: The theory being that time is money and they are not currently in possession of either? Or more likely that if they received the money directly, they would be more inclined to thank your sister for it?

Presents should always be acknowledged. And while Miss Manners is in agreement that a charitable donation is not really a present when it is of the giver’s choosing, a thank-you in this case is not only polite, but could also help drive that point home: “It was so kind of you, as always, to put our names on your favorite charity. While I still do not know much about this particular one, I look forward to one day finding a cause that similarly speaks to me.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a convention for my professional association. The Scholarship Committee held a 50/50 raffle to raise money for students entering our field. When the winner was chosen, she collected her winnings, smiled, said “thank you” and went on her way.

This is exactly how I expected the scenario to play out.

However, I later overheard several other attendees complaining that she had not immediately returned her winnings to the Scholarship Committee.

It had never occurred to me that people would expect a raffle winner to return their winnings. It seems to me that the chance of winning the prize is the reason most people are entering a raffle, and that it would be better just to ask for donations if you do not intend to award the prize.

I am now preparing to attend a very glamorous charity function, which will have a raffle as part of the fundraising efforts. The top prize is $10,000 and, as much as I support the charity, I am afraid to enter the raffle! Other websites’ users seem to be evenly divided over the proper disposition of raffle winnings.

GENTLE READER: It does seem counterintuitive to Miss Manners to expect raffle earnings to be returned — and a surefire deterrent to those who have already donated in order to be there. Shaming those who choose not to give back prizes that are rightfully theirs, in the name of charity, is a practice undeserving of the title.