Mouse in the house, house on the market
Take time to consider all drastic measures when critters invade
There’s something to be said for delivering bad news right away. I don’t know what that something is because I, for one, would rather not hear certain bad news. Ever. Apparently our daughter hadn’t gotten the memo on that particular issue because my husband and I were barely through the door the other night when she greeted us with “You’re not going to like this.” Before my mind had a chance to race through the extensive list of things I could imagine not liking, our direct-approach daughter killed the suspense by informing us that our cat, Tiger, had caught a mouse.
You’re probably wondering what’s so bad about that since catching mice is one of a cat’s top purposes in life, right after coughing up fur balls and walking on your computer keyboard when you’re trying to type. And it may seem like news worthy of congratulations when you consider our cat has never even managed to take down the little red dot from the laser pointer.
But it’s bad news once you know that Tiger is an indoor cat whose idea of hunting for his dinner is clawing at the closet door where we keep the cans of cat food. I briefly allowed myself to imagine that Tiger had managed to get outside and caught the mouse in the wild, until our pull-no-punches daughter told us he’d caught the mouse on our kitchen counter.
It’s common at this time of year, when the weather turns colder, for small critters to try to get into our houses where it is warm and dry. According to the experts, the solution to this problem is simple. First, you examine the perimeter of your home for entry points, which are any openings ¼-inch wide or more that a mouse could fit through, and patch them up. Then, and this is the most important step, you place your home on the market, move out immediately, and never look back.
While I contemplated how quickly I could rip out our kitchen counters and replace them with new ones, my daughter reassured me that the mouse did not meet its end there. Rather, she’d corralled Tiger and the mouse and herded them into the laundry room, where she shut the door and waited until a full-blown crime scene developed. This was enough to make me want to get back in my car and drive away. I would miss this house. But, still.
As I’ve said, I prefer to delay getting bad news, which was why I still hadn’t asked the glaringly obvious question: where was the mouse (or what was left of it) now? Once again, my daughter got right to the point and volunteered that she’d already cleaned it up. This was very surprising news coming from someone who treats spilled orange juice like it’s a priceless piece of performance art.
I was about to commend her for taking such initiative, when she said, “Don’t worry, I used lots of bleach.” I guess she didn’t know parents are required to worry when they learn their child used lots of bleach. And not just bleach, but lots and lots of paper towels. Those of you who own stock in Bounty and Clorox will be happy to know that their fourth quarter sales figures will be quite strong.
As relieved as I was that Tiger and my daughter had taken care of the mouse, I did feel a little bit bad about the whole thing. I’m a-live-and-let-live kind of person when it comes to mice, as long as they live far away where I can’t see or hear them. But they just don’t seem to be willing to keep their end of the bargain.
Like the time we returned to our camp after several months away and I found mouse droppings in a cupboard next to a now-empty bag of split peas. Because the camp had been in my husband’s family, I didn’t feel right about putting it on the market. So I spent the rest of the day cleaning, including accidentally sucking up a mouse with the vacuum cleaner. The entire thing immediately went in the trash. Up until that point, it had been a perfectly good vacuum. But, still.
That night, as I was getting into bed, exhausted, I found the missing split peas — in a pile under my pillow. That was when I calmly woke my husband and told him to get up because I needed to burn the bed.
Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. I did not, in any way, say it calmly. It was a very nice bed, though. But, still.
It’s common at this time of year, when the weather turns colder, for small critters to try to get into our houses where it is warm and dry.