Here’s to all the departed
The holiday season is a time of reflection and good fellowship. Or, if you work for President Donald J. Trump, it’s a season for watching the wheels come off the proverbial little red wagon.
As I write this, the stock market has gone bearish, the federal government is partially shut down, and our nation’s allies are reeling from the imminent departure of Defense Secretary Jim Mattis. It’s a joke worth repeating: When the resignation of a guy nicknamed “Mad Dog” prompts people to bemoan the loss of a steady hand on the tiller, we’ve got worries.
It has been said that Abraham Lincoln and Jesus Christ have had more books written about them than any other human being, but those guys have been around a lot longer than the Trump administration. Based on the steady conga line of cabinet members and staffers heading out the door and the general lack of any sense of loyalty to their mercurial ex-boss, there aren’t enough shelves in the entire
Ikea chain to hold the full stock of tell-alls to come. If we’re still printing books then, that is.
But how will we keep them straight, all these po-faced middle-aged white men in baggy suits? Perhaps a quiz on the fallen will help:
1. Three of these are summaries of internal investigations launched by the EPA’S inspector general into Administrator Scott Pruitt before his resignation in July. Which one is made up?
a. “Administrator renting a room in a townhouse owned by a lobbyist’s wife”
b. “used his official position and EPA staff to seek a ‘business opportunity’ for his wife with Chick-fil-a”
c. “had his security detail run errands for him, including trips to Arby’s to retrieve quantities of ‘Horsey Sauce’”
d. “enlisted subordinates at the EPA to secure a mattress for his personal use”
2. Can you connect these current or former administration officials with their questionable taxpayer-funded indulgences? — Scott Pruitt, EPA
— Ryan Zinke, Interior
— Ben Carson, HUD
$31,000 for a mahogany dining set for his office selected by his wife, Candy
$25,000 in travel costs incurred by his wife, Lolita, in violation of agency policy
$43,000 for a soundproof phone booth that his wife, Marlyn, apparently had nothing to do with
3. When President Trump appointed David Shulkin to serve as head of the Veterans Administration in early 2017, he said, “We’ll never have to use those words on our David.” (Shulkin was fired in March.) What were those words? a. “You’re fired.” b. “Bad dog.” c. “He’s a lousy dancer.”
d. “After we fire David, the guy I pick to replace him will drop out under pressure within mere days.”
4. Which of these White House staffers did not exit the administration in the face of domestic violence allegations?
a. Speechwriter David Sorensen
b. Chief Strategist Steve Bannon c. Staff secretary Rob Porter 5. How long is the unit of time colloquially known as a “Scaramucci,” after the length of Anthony Scaramucci’s service as White House communications director? a. five days b. 22 days c. 10 days d. six days and five hours
6. How did former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson reportedly describe Trump after the president demanded a massive increase in the nation’s nuclear arsenal?
a. “a guy straight out of the Sigmund Freud coloring book” b. “a big dummy” c. “a lot like that general George C. Scott played in ‘Dr. Strangelove’ — what was his name? Oh yeah: Buck Turgidson!” d. “a ___ing moron”
7. Trump has had a lot to say about Tillerson on the more public forum of Twitter. Can you place these phrases the president has used to describe Tillerson in the order in which they were tweeted?
a. “one of the truly great business leaders of the world”
b. “dumb as a rock ... lazy as hell”
c. “a world class player and dealmaker” d. “we work well together”
8. The president isn’t the only official in the White House with changeable opinions. Which of these statements about Trump was not made in 2016 by his new Acting Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney?
a. “I don’t particularly like Donald Trump as a person” b. “a terrible human being” c. “not a very good person” d. “as a person, just not good at all”
e. Someone who has made “disgusting and indefensible” remarks about women
Answers: 1. c — although Pruitt was under investigation for making his security detail run errands for him, the Horsey Sauce thing was invented; 2. Pruitt: soundproof booth, Zinke: wife’s travel, Carson: dining set; 3. a; 4. b — Bannon faced charges of misdemeanor domestic violence and battery brought by his ex-wife in 1996, they were ultimately dismissed; Bannon was fired from the White House in August 2017 for contradicting the president in an interview with The American Prospect; 5. c; 6. d; 7. c, a, d, b; 8. d.
▶ cseiler@timesunion.com ■ 518-454-5619