Staring stranger sets husband off
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were at a restaurant the other day. While the waitress was pouring our wine, my husband suddenly said to the table nearest us (about 6 feet away), "Can I help you?" in a fairly confrontational way. He was not loud, just mildly aggressive and clearly annoyed.
When I asked him what had happened, he said the man at that table had been staring at him. The man said, "I was just looking at the wine bottle, sorry," and he and his wife went back to eating.
My husband said that the man was clearly drunk and was not looking at the wine bottle, but rather had been staring straight at his face for multiple minutes. My husband had nodded politely, hoping the man maybe didn’t realize he was staring; the man nodded back, but kept staring. So finally my husband reacted.
At first, I was really angry with my husband, because I felt horribly awkward and thought that it could have been handled better (or even ignored). After discussing it with him, though, I’m unsure. He said that he was highly uncomfortable and wanted to put a quick end to the staring.
Is there a better way to have dealt with this? We aren’t the type to "tell on someone" and have the manager address it. GENTLE READER: What did your husband think this man really had in mind by staring at him?
Without a plausible answer, Miss Manners is inclined to believe the wine story. Or that the man was trying to figure out if he goes to the same dentist. Or he was thinking about ordering the Chocolate Storm Warning for dessert and wanted to see how your husband was enjoying his.
Being stared at is unpleasant. But unless your husband truly believed that the other man was trying to start something, it is best ignored or only mildly confronted — a hint less aggressively than was previously enacted.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dear friend has given my wife and me a subscription to a monthly snack box. Although we are appreciative, the snacks are neither healthy nor enjoyable. In addition, we know this service is quite pricey.
We would never want to hurt her feelings or appear ungrateful, but we also don’t want her to continue paying for a subscription that will go largely unused. Is there a tactful way to let her know, and possibly save her the money? Or should we remain silent, pretend to enjoy the gift subscription and offer the items to others?
GENTLE READER: There is really no tactful way to say, "Get better taste." You would therefore do more to preserve the friendship, Miss Manners assures you, to serve the snacks to other guests or bring them to a food bank. Perhaps others will find them, if not healthful, at least more enjoyable.